Monday, May 7, 2012

5 Reasons 2 Hate: The Avengers

Before I begin, I need to give some background on how I came up with this conclusion that the new Avengers movie is not good. I watched the movie Saturday night and was on the fence. Some really stupid things were in this movie but overall, I found it very entertaining. It wasn't until today, after some research(which will be detailed in one of the reasons below) that I decided that I did not like this movie very much. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS so if you haven't seen the movie, I wouldn't suggest reading this.

1. The car chase scene.

The opening of this movie had THE MOST RIDICULOUS SCENE I HAVE WATCHED IN RECENT MEMORY. Loki is back, steals the Tesseract and is escaping a S.H.I.E.L.D. Base. How does he escape? ON THE BACK OF A FUCKING SUV! What the FUCK kind of BULLSHIT IS THIS?! Loki, with the powers of a GOD, is engaged in a chase sequence in a FUCKING SUV! He rides in the back like some redneck that hunts out the back of their pick-up. FUCKING EMBARASSING SHIT. “Quick! Follow that Demi God in the back of the Hummer!” This is, by far, the DUMBEST car chase sequence I HAVE EVER SEEN. The God of Mischief is broken down to nothing more than a criminal trying to make a fast escape from a prison; save this garbage for human criminals, NOT A GOD. This was only the beginning of the film and I was already facepalming.

2. Fucking up Loki.

This film did one thing throughout the whole movie; DESTORY THE CHARACTER, LOKI. I'm not talking about his ass getting kicked in some fistacuffs; I'm talking about totally portraying a character incorrectly. Not only that, but putting him in STUPID situations(like the car chase scenes) or putting him in scenes THAT ARE FUCKING BROKEN AND POORLY CREATED. For example, Loki attacks an auction house in Germany. He gathers all of the people inside the house outside and gives them a speech in which he asks them all to kneel before him. The one thing that is wrong with this scene is HE'S GIVING THE SPEECH IN FUCKING ENGLISH AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE GERMAN! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S SAYING?! Does the movie explain this? NO! I do not blame Tom Hiddleston on this one, his acting was fine. I blame the DUMBASS RETARDS that created this horse anus in the first place! Now, back to who they completely botched the character of Loki. Throughout this movie, Loki is working for the Chitauri who want to conquer the universe and in exchange for his help, Loki gets Earth. Pretty straight forward. Except for that fact that Loki is just their bitch and does what they want. Look, Loki is not going to just take it in the ass from anyone. He's going to double cross them eventually for his own gain. Is their a sub-plot in this movie or some piece of dialogue that expresses this? NO! He is just the Chitauri's bitch doing bitchwork. That IS NOT Loki. He's going to lie, cheat, steal, gain your trust, and then fuck you over in the endgame. He's not going to bow down and give you everything you ever wanted. There was even a scene near the end of the movie where Thor calls him out on it saying something like, “Do you think they will just give you Earth?” This is where I'm expecting Loki to detail his backstabbing scheme, BUT HE DOESN'T. HE IS JUST THEIR BITCH.

3. The Chitauri are the Skrulls....WTF?!

Yes. The Chitauri are the Skrulls. This is what pushed me off the fence to not liking this movie. The Earth is invaded by an alien force, called the Chitauri, which are NOT EXPLAINED AT ALL IN THE FILM. So aside from having an invading force that NO ONE knows about and it not detailed in the movie, I find out that the Chitauri are the Skrulls. There is an alternate comic series for the Marvel Universe called the Ultimate series in which the Skrulls are known as the Chitauri. Which no one would have ever known unless you read the Ultimate series, which I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole because I like my original Marvel series just the way it is. So, why does this piss me off so much to make me dislike the movie? Because I didn't see ONE GOD DAMN SUPER SKRULL. NOT A SINGLE ONE. Plus, I watched this whole movie that was packed with Skrulls invading Earth and I didn't even fucking know it. FUCK THIS MOVIE AND FUCK THE ULTIMATE SERIES!

4. This movie doesn't give a shit about Bruce Banner and The Hulk.

Seriously, I blame the movie's creators for this one. Bruce Banner felt pushed aside this whole film. Now, Mark Ruffalo did a fine job, which I think we were all skeptical on. But with everything that Banner was, this film brushed it off. Yes, everyone is nervous around him because of the Hulk, don't make him angry, etc. But that's ALL THEY FOCUSED ON. Just some guy that turns into the Hulk when you make him mad. Not the brilliant mind that he is. This movie insults me when it came to Bruce Banner. It's as if they said, “Yeah, Banner doesn't matter. We can get anyone to play as him because people just want to see The Hulk instead.” Fucking assholes. Now, The Hulk. His stuff was pretty cool except for one little thing. Half way through the movie, The Hulk runs wild throughout the helicarrier. Uncontrollable and untamed, he causes havoc; classic Hulk. Then The Hulk fights in the ending battle and he's taking orders from Captain America....? He's not attacking everything, he's attacking the enemy.....and saves Iron Man's life......WHY IS THE HULK ALL OF A SUDDEN CONTROLLABLE?! DID BANNER JUST FIGURE IT OUT IN THE LAST HOUR? DOES THE MOVIE EXPLAIN? NO! OF COURSE, IT DOES NOT EXPLAIN! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

5. Maria Hill is just pushed aside.

Maria Hill, second in command. You wouldn't know that based on watching this film. She has little dialogue and her only main action scene IS CHASING LOKI IN THE FUCKING CHASE SEQEUNCE! Maria Hill is a powerful, intelligent, awesome soldier. Not some lackey. She is more like Nick Fury's secretary than his number two. All she does in the film is follow everyone around with her arms behind her back like random, generic drone you see in the background of war films. She does nothing that is badass, does nothing important; they probably just put her in this movie because the heard that Nick Fury had someone name Maria Hill working as a part of S.H.I.E.L.D. For fuck's sake, read a god damn comic movie people!

This movie makes no sense. Characters in this movie are ruined. You get to the point where you have to ask yourself, should this movie have even been made?


  1. I like this article a lot, only because I wanted to read the side of people that didn't like the film.  I have some theories though.
    1. I just kind of assumed Loki was too weak to fly out of the place so he needed help. As the movie went on he grew stronger... until he stopped using magic Asgarrdian powers all together... Still, the idea of a god in a Hummer driving out like the Dukes of Hazard is pretty funny. He's much better in Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes though.

    2. He was all for backstabbing I'm sure...but uh, Thanos.

    3. I didn't know either, and apparently they can shape-shift which might have added another cool element to the movie. But I'm assuming the movie was all ready too long so they made them mindless drones.

    4. He did help Stark figure out stuff in that one scene... and maybe the idea of smashing a bunch of baddies made him want to go around destroying them more than the Avengers. I was the most upset with him not saying "HULK SMASH!!" or something of that nature.

    5. Even Nick Fury didn't get to do much badass things, so they're not going to give some second in command anything to do. That's what happens with sacrifices in movies.

  2. I don't know comics so I won't discuss The Avengers.  

    However Joss Whedon is NOT one of the "most prolific and greatest" writers.  If anything he's mediocre.  
    -"Alien: Resurrection" as a terrible script and offended most fans - heck it killed the franchise.  
    -"Buffy the Vampire Slayer" was a decent enough film but that television series was trite, moronic and only ever embraced by teenage girls or guys who thought Alyson Hannigan was hot.  "Angel" was even worse as it was just a lame spin-off of an already unbearable show.
    - "Titan A.E" was a notorious flop of a movie that Joss Whedon wrote. In fact it was so bad it actually put Fox Animation Studios out of business forever. Great writers do not bankrupt studios - ergo Joss Whedon is not a great writer.
    -"Firefly" was a boring television series which only aired 9 episodes in which nothing happened and the show was pulled because it was unentertaining and nobody watched it.  The same for the movie which nobody bothered to see.  
    -"Cabin in the Woods" is probably the best thing he's done.  Co-written by Drew Goddard so Whedon can't even be credited with fully doing this on his own.

    As for Whedon being "prolific" most of the stuff he's done - which is really not a whole lot - he's been credited as a co-writer, meaning he was either working on someone else's script or helping others write theirs.  He only ever wrote a handful of episodes for the television shows he launched.  In fact the ONLY screenplays he  is fully credited as being the sole writer are "Buffy the Vampire Slayer," "Serenity" and "Alien: Resurrection"  3 movies and a few scattered TV scripts in a career that's spanned 23 years is hardly prolific.

  3. Your research apparently wasn't extensive enough, because you're just wrong.  And you say fuck too much to have ANY credibility.

    1.  I'll give you this.  It seems a little forced.  But ya know what?  Look at Loki's eyes.  Does he look like a sane guy?  He obviously isn't entirely sure of what he's doing, and he's only been on Earth once.  He doesn't want to fuck everything up in the first five minutes.  By your logic, why does he need humans to work for him?  He isn't all powerful.  So he took an SUV, for all intents and purposes, it's the same as taking a horse or walking the Bifrost in Asgard.

    2.  Oh please.  Have you not seen Thor?  They already gave us the perfect Loki.  We saw the manipulative, cunning, asshole that Loki is and we saw what he's capable of.  And, more importantly, WE SAW HIM BREAK.  This is not SUPPOSED to be "normal" Loki, this is psycho, post-Frost Giant, broken Loki who has been beaten around the universe.  He's not in his right mind, and just wants to control something again.  I'm not at all surprised with how he thought things would go.

    3.  Ultimates is an amazing book.  If you only just found out about it, you aren't exactly a comics fan.  The movie bases itself heavily from it.  BUT you forgot one thing: Loki's army was supposed to be canon fodder.  Right now Fox owns the name "Skrull" with the Fantastic Four license, so no Skrulls.  So Whedon wrote in the Chitauri.  When the license expires we can STILL HAVE SKRULLS.  Even better, we'll get fleshed-out, story driven Skrulls that aren't on the screen just to be killed.  Calm down and think rationally next time, and don't knock something before you try it.

    4.  The control part i agree on.  Banner should not have that much control, and was very deus ex machina.  The rest is idiotic.  For all of them, this was their first time interacting with him.  How are they supposed to feel?  Thor could have been more welcoming, but all of them are used to people who may be a little messed up but are in total control of their actions.  At the time, they assumed Hulk was solely a raging monster and would kill everyone.  Are they supposed to treat him like a king?  Banner wouldn't have wanted the attention regardless!!!  Looks like YOU do not understand the character.

    5.  I'm surprised how much attention they DID give Hill.  It was always implied Coulson was really movie Fury's second-in-command.  Now that he is *spoilers* dead, Hill can be the new Coulson.  Were they supposed to just throw a new "Nick Fury 2" in audiences faces? They're building to a character and letting people get used to her.  We didn't know how high-up Coulson was when we met him in Iron Man.  It's called character development.

    Oh, and those "writers" you mentioned?  Joss Whedon.  One of the most prolific and greatest comic book, television, and film writers of our time.  I think he knew what he was doing.

    You obviously haven't payed much attention to the actual fandom, or you expected it to be a carbon copy of the comic books.  Well that was NEVER going to happen.  You definitely need to do more research not only on comics, but on FILM before you write another review.

  4. I enjoyed the movie too, but I think I can't really judge the movie too.

  5. While I liked The Avengers I don't see anything here that I didn't totally agree with when I was watching it.  This movie has plot holes you can fly one of those stupid aircraft carries through.  The Hulk thing was a major gripe for me too. The ambiguity of the Chitauri where an issue as well as the Dues Ex Machina that destroyed them a la Star Wars Episode 1.

  6. I agree with number 1 and part of number 4. I can't say anything about the rest since I'm not a big comic fan and haven't read that many comics. I still think the movie was great even with some stupid scenes and plot holes.

    - The Girl Gamer

  7. 700 million in revenue world wide would disagree with your dumbass!

  8. Love your opinion!
    you're one that dares dislike this movie, don't listen to the butthurt fanboys in the comments :P

    What's wrong with you guys, everyone entitled to his opinions! Free speach, and all. rings a bell??

    (yeah, I liked the movie personally, but I have no problem with someone not liking it either, I like pistachio ice creams, do I go around stabbing strawberry-fans for that reason??)

    Now that you talk about it...Loki's escape was pretty silly... so stupid! I even forgot about it!

    Shouldn't that German scene either be in German (but the audience is listening to him in English) or, I dunno, shouldn't Loki talk Asgardian to begin with?? :P

  9.  Right, because sales determine a good movie. But, thanks for the feedback any way!

  10. Sorry I broke the new about the Skrull thing.  I still feel guilty.  I also kind of enjoyed the movie, but I'm not a "comic fan" in a traditional sense, so my opinion probably doesn't really count.

  11. Let your hate for this movie flow through you.

  12. The fact that you are defending the car chase scene makes me want to kill Joss Whedon. But thanks for the comment!

    Oh yeah, fuck.

  13.  Well this movie stuck true to the OG Avengers, Hulk, Iron Man, Cap, Thor and Hawkeye. I don't believe Wolverine and Spider-Man were official in the Avengers until the "New Avengers" series. And though your opinion disagrees with mine, I still respect it. Thanks for the comment!

  14.  yeah, but if you think about avengers, especially me, who's not really a comic fanatic and i just watched the avengers cartoon whenever i stumble upon it, you kinda imagine it with spiderman and wolverine.

    like i said before, your observations had a point, but thinking about it, i think the chase scene was made so that maria would have a scene of her own. i thought it's just for her.

    thank you for reading my opinion, man.

  15. Yes, everybody has opinions but everyone can also give his/her opinion against another opinion as long it doesn't hurt people's personal life. Plus, he posted an article in the internet which people can comment and It's predictable that people will comment in your article. You have your own opinion, but if you don't want to JUST hear others opinions, just shut up

  16. yeah. I'm 39, and I felt this movie was specifically geared toward 12-16 year old kids, which in reality is pretty appropriate, it being a comic book superhero movie. At my age I guess I should be nitting or some shit like that. And because the movie was geared toward that specific age group it's not gonna have much in terms of awesome grown up scenes. I expected the movie to be basic and it was. I sat next to a group of kids ages 7-17 (somewhere around there). the oldest kid in the group seemed to be amazed at the action scenes and laughed at every silly joke thrown by Downey and the rest of the crew. It was a child's movie and all the children (and trust me...there were more children than grown ups in the theater) enjoyed it. But again, that's wat it was and that's why it broke records. It didn't break box office records cuz it was good. Thinkg about kids reallly know what's good? NO! Just like cartoon movies blow great movies out of the water, so did the Avengers. (and yes yes yes to all you anal retentive idiots out there... you could argue that the moview wasn't geared toward kids cuz of all the killing, but  you know what I mean). I just hope the Dark Knight Rises brings it and gives us those dark insane scenes all of us Adult comic book hero fans want.

  17. Damn I didn't even notice that he was in germany, why was he in germany? I gotta rewatch it.

    Anyway you have some good points here, like Loki is to weak and Hulk has to much control at the end. It was bothering me how weak Loki was. His power all seems derived from that staff that he got from someone ELSE. Except that he can teleport short distances and is able to survive a thourough beating by the Hulk, that second one isn't to bad I guess. 

    Maybe Hulks control depends on wether he changed willingly or not. At least he punches Thor though. As for focusing on Bruce, why would they focus on bruce? They can't give everyone to much screen time, and Im sure everyone who watches the film even if they havent seen the Hulk would know Bruce is supposed to be a genius. Idk, I guess they could have made him do something particularly clever besides Hulk smash

    As for Loki being the Chitauri's bitch, imo he was probably being coerced, he was going to die and was caught by them, they forced him into a deal. When he and Thor talk it seems like he knows he is not in control but like Tony said, is half mad by this point. It would have added a nice layer to the movie though if we knew of any plan Loki had for screwing the Chitauri.

    I honestly couldn't care less about 3 and 5

    Overall this is funny and you have some good points but I dont think you need to have a cow over it.

  18. bruce banner has something.!
    you're wrong on your observation on him. i'm glad that i watched it twice cause i also didn't get it at first but, bruce can control hulk already, as he said so in the end. loki just kinda messed with him using his sphere that made him go ballistic. that's what black widow found out.

    you're observations of  1, 2, 3, 5, were understandable if you really are a fan of the comics, but even a comic fan would get that the writers and directors, dont want to just copy things from the comic and just make a dramatization of the comic books. and those things that annoyed you, could easily be over-looked.

    (well, these are just my opinion)

    actually, what i didn't like about it was that, it kinda have a shortage of heroes. and i hate the fact that, some main characters from x-men, and of course spiderman, is never going to be in the avengers movies. that suck the most for me.