5 Reasons 2 Hate: The Avengers

Before I begin, I need to give some background on how I came up with this conclusion that the new Avengers movie is not good. I watched the movie Saturday night and was on the fence. Some really stupid things were in this movie but overall, I found it very entertaining. It wasn't until today, after some research(which will be detailed in one of the reasons below) that I decided that I did not like this movie very much. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS so if you haven't seen the movie, I wouldn't suggest reading this.

1. The car chase scene.

The opening of this movie had THE MOST RIDICULOUS SCENE I HAVE WATCHED IN RECENT MEMORY. Loki is back, steals the Tesseract and is escaping a S.H.I.E.L.D. Base. How does he escape? ON THE BACK OF A FUCKING SUV! What the FUCK kind of BULLSHIT IS THIS?! Loki, with the powers of a GOD, is engaged in a chase sequence in a FUCKING SUV! He rides in the back like some redneck that hunts out the back of their pick-up. FUCKING EMBARASSING SHIT. “Quick! Follow that Demi God in the back of the Hummer!” This is, by far, the DUMBEST car chase sequence I HAVE EVER SEEN. The God of Mischief is broken down to nothing more than a criminal trying to make a fast escape from a prison; save this garbage for human criminals, NOT A GOD. This was only the beginning of the film and I was already facepalming.

2. Fucking up Loki.

This film did one thing throughout the whole movie; DESTORY THE CHARACTER, LOKI. I'm not talking about his ass getting kicked in some fistacuffs; I'm talking about totally portraying a character incorrectly. Not only that, but putting him in STUPID situations(like the car chase scenes) or putting him in scenes THAT ARE FUCKING BROKEN AND POORLY CREATED. For example, Loki attacks an auction house in Germany. He gathers all of the people inside the house outside and gives them a speech in which he asks them all to kneel before him. The one thing that is wrong with this scene is HE'S GIVING THE SPEECH IN FUCKING ENGLISH AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE GERMAN! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S SAYING?! Does the movie explain this? NO! I do not blame Tom Hiddleston on this one, his acting was fine. I blame the DUMBASS RETARDS that created this horse anus in the first place! Now, back to who they completely botched the character of Loki. Throughout this movie, Loki is working for the Chitauri who want to conquer the universe and in exchange for his help, Loki gets Earth. Pretty straight forward. Except for that fact that Loki is just their bitch and does what they want. Look, Loki is not going to just take it in the ass from anyone. He's going to double cross them eventually for his own gain. Is their a sub-plot in this movie or some piece of dialogue that expresses this? NO! He is just the Chitauri's bitch doing bitchwork. That IS NOT Loki. He's going to lie, cheat, steal, gain your trust, and then fuck you over in the endgame. He's not going to bow down and give you everything you ever wanted. There was even a scene near the end of the movie where Thor calls him out on it saying something like, “Do you think they will just give you Earth?” This is where I'm expecting Loki to detail his backstabbing scheme, BUT HE DOESN'T. HE IS JUST THEIR BITCH.

3. The Chitauri are the Skrulls....WTF?!

Yes. The Chitauri are the Skrulls. This is what pushed me off the fence to not liking this movie. The Earth is invaded by an alien force, called the Chitauri, which are NOT EXPLAINED AT ALL IN THE FILM. So aside from having an invading force that NO ONE knows about and it not detailed in the movie, I find out that the Chitauri are the Skrulls. There is an alternate comic series for the Marvel Universe called the Ultimate series in which the Skrulls are known as the Chitauri. Which no one would have ever known unless you read the Ultimate series, which I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole because I like my original Marvel series just the way it is. So, why does this piss me off so much to make me dislike the movie? Because I didn't see ONE GOD DAMN SUPER SKRULL. NOT A SINGLE ONE. Plus, I watched this whole movie that was packed with Skrulls invading Earth and I didn't even fucking know it. FUCK THIS MOVIE AND FUCK THE ULTIMATE SERIES!

4. This movie doesn't give a shit about Bruce Banner and The Hulk.

Seriously, I blame the movie's creators for this one. Bruce Banner felt pushed aside this whole film. Now, Mark Ruffalo did a fine job, which I think we were all skeptical on. But with everything that Banner was, this film brushed it off. Yes, everyone is nervous around him because of the Hulk, don't make him angry, etc. But that's ALL THEY FOCUSED ON. Just some guy that turns into the Hulk when you make him mad. Not the brilliant mind that he is. This movie insults me when it came to Bruce Banner. It's as if they said, “Yeah, Banner doesn't matter. We can get anyone to play as him because people just want to see The Hulk instead.” Fucking assholes. Now, The Hulk. His stuff was pretty cool except for one little thing. Half way through the movie, The Hulk runs wild throughout the helicarrier. Uncontrollable and untamed, he causes havoc; classic Hulk. Then The Hulk fights in the ending battle and he's taking orders from Captain America....? He's not attacking everything, he's attacking the enemy.....and saves Iron Man's life......WHY IS THE HULK ALL OF A SUDDEN CONTROLLABLE?! DID BANNER JUST FIGURE IT OUT IN THE LAST HOUR? DOES THE MOVIE EXPLAIN? NO! OF COURSE, IT DOES NOT EXPLAIN! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

5. Maria Hill is just pushed aside.

Maria Hill, second in command. You wouldn't know that based on watching this film. She has little dialogue and her only main action scene IS CHASING LOKI IN THE FUCKING CHASE SEQEUNCE! Maria Hill is a powerful, intelligent, awesome soldier. Not some lackey. She is more like Nick Fury's secretary than his number two. All she does in the film is follow everyone around with her arms behind her back like random, generic drone you see in the background of war films. She does nothing that is badass, does nothing important; they probably just put her in this movie because the heard that Nick Fury had someone name Maria Hill working as a part of S.H.I.E.L.D. For fuck's sake, read a god damn comic movie people!

This movie makes no sense. Characters in this movie are ruined. You get to the point where you have to ask yourself, should this movie have even been made?