Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Review: Jim Lee's C 23




Before I begin this review, I just have to explain something. I tried researching this comic. From what I know, C23 is a Collectable Card Game(CCG). But the most I was able to find were just images and lists for the cards. But as far as this comic goes, I couldn't find much. I looked on the Image Comics website and I can't find it. I type in the website on the cover, http://www.wildstorm.com, and it goes right to DC Comics' website. This was also a product of Wizards of the Coast...which also has no information on this. And I can't even determine if this is the same Jim Lee that did The Punisher War Journals because his wiki doesn't list C23. So, with limited knowledge about ANY OF THIS, and I tried to find some, lets take a look at Jim Lee's C23. Or C-23. C*23. What the fuck ever.


We open up with a character list behind the cover. Our cast are Corbin, leader of the Hypershock Troopers, Phalanx, Corbin's best friend, Nemesis, another Trooper that was killed by an Angelan patrol, Cronus, the Director-General of the Colony, Hemlocke, the “dark prince” of the Colony, and Medicus, a physician for the Colony. Guess what? This character list doesn't mean jack shit. Why? Because you will never even get a sense of why you should care for each of them.

Moving on, we see a great setting of fields of grass, nice structures, and what appears to be children at play...

Ah, peace.
Then something called “Dante's Hammer” burns the loving fuck out of it.

Ah, DESTRUCTION!
We cut to some odd looking creatures known as Angelans, who are then ambushed by the Colonists...wait, why the fuck are these people fighting? Hmm, maybe it will explain. A battle ensues and we are introduced to Corbin, the main character of the story. He leads his unit, the Hypershock Troopers, into battle, slaughtering all the Angelans. During this battle, Corbin shouts out demands to his fellow comrades as he engages in dialogue with a female named Nemesis. She is called this because she can't remember her name. Now, I am totally fucking lost, and at this point, I had to look to make sure I had the first issue. And I did. Well, shit. I guess I have to read on and pray that SOMETHING is explained. With the battle over, Corbin investigates an Angelan carriage and opens it to find...some...green, sticky, cocoon blob thing...? According to Corbin's sniffing, it is Royale Gel; nope, don't know what the fuck it is nor is it explained.

Mmm, goo from the womb...wait, THAT'S FUCKIN' GROSS!
Transition to The Colony, where Cronus and Hemlocke, the leaders of this place, discuss how Corbin is getting a lot of attention and could threaten their rule. I don't know why this is a threat. You will notice, this is the theme of the comic. Everyone in The Colony celebrates their victory and we get some background about Hemlocke. Apparently, he was the former leader of the Hypershock Troopers but due to a crippling illness, he had to wear special body armor to keep him alive and thus was not able to be in the field. And that is the most character development that we get in this WHOLE FIRST ISSUE. Seriously, nothing is hooking me. I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK THESE PEOPLE ARE. I AM GETTING NO INTEREST TO WANT TO READ ANY MORE OR TO BUY ANY OTHER ISSUES. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

Hemlocke, sad...no fight no more
Winding down this piece of shit, Corbin speaks with Medicus and explains that he touched the Royale Gel, which I guess is placenta goo or some shit like that. But then we see this:


The post sex scene and just look at it! These people look disgusting! Who the fuck drew this?! Alexander Lozano. BAH! I can't find him at all on Google or Wikipedia!! These people look gross. What a stomach churning page. They are made out of metallic parts, their bodies look twisted and warped, and I swear to fucking god, their skin looks like it is melting. Blech, this makes me want to hurl.

So Nemesis explains that the Angelans killed her family, which was told at the FUCKING BEGINNING SO WHY ARE YOU JUST REPEATING YOUR DAMN SELF!? She leaves Corbin and we cut to Medicus looking sinister about Corbin and FUCK IT, who gives a shit. This comic is garbage. From what I have gathered, the Earth is destroyed and the two “peoples,” I guess, that are left are the Angelans and the Colonists. Now, I'm assuming that you have to play the CCG to understand everything that is going on, but I don't even think it exists any more so I will judge it as a comic. No explanation of what the fuck is going, little character development, and the art makes me puke in my soup. I'm sure it is good to those that played the CCG or at least interesting. But I hate comics made primarily for stuff like this. I want to, you know, HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHEN I READ SOMETHING. I was very disappointed with this book...because the cover looked awesome. To hell with this thing.

Oh, and special thanks to Kevin Daley for giving me the huge box of comics that included this. Sorry this one sucked, lol

BONUS: Here are some pictures of the ads in this comic!

1080 Snowboarding for the N64
Batman TAS coming to Cartoon Network
Batman & Robin for the PlayStation
Something called Crimson?
Back Cover: MK Annihilation...For Rent!

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