Saturday, August 4, 2012

5 Reasons 2 Hate: The Dark Knight Rises

This has been a terrible Summer for movies, at least for me any way. Everything I went and saw was just terrible and disappointing. The Avengers, Prometheus and now The Dark Knight Rises. Hopefully the Fall/Winter selection will prove to be better. But I want to tear into this film deep so lets go.


1. Christopher Nolan BETRAYS character origins.

In Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, Nolan had a great way of portraying his version of characters without completely altering or changing a character's original origin story. Take Ra's al Ghul for instance. Of course, he did not have the story of being an immortal and using the Lazarus Pit, but the basic premise of his character is still in tact being the leader of the League of Shadows. You have the understanding that certain things to be changed in a comics transition into film to accommodate the movie series and to branch out to a wider audience aside from just comic book fans. Even so, THIS IS NOT THE FUCKING CASE IN THE DARK KNIGHT RISES. The two villains in the movie are TORN APART AND CHANGED. During the movie, there are several scenes trying to find out who the child was that escaped the pit. We are to assume that this is Bane. But NO. It's Talia al Ghul. NOT BANE. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU, NOLAN?! The entire movie was building for the discovery of Bane's origin and secrets so you STEAL his story and just FUCKING GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE?! This is the most FUCKING IDIOTIC, STUPID, RIDICULOUS, HALF ASSED, BULL FUCK SHIT I HAVE HAD TO EXPERIENCE SINCE THE LOKI CAR CHASE SCENE IN THE AVENGERS! IN FACT, THIS MAKES THAT LOOK LIKE GOLD IN COMPARISON! Were the people in on this just that fucking lazy?! Did Heath Ledger's death really put you guys in a hole that you felt THIS was the best you can come up with?! You are STRIPPING a character of everything we were built up for and just passing it along to someone else. DO YOU THINK THE AUDIENCE ARE A BUNCH OR RETARDS?! DID YOU THINK WE WOULD JUST ACCEPT THAT AS SOME FUCKED UP TWIST?! NO, YOU BASTARDS! NO!! The entire origin of Bane and Talia in this movie is Jackalope shit and just completely FUCKING LAZY and is POOR WRITING. AND MIRANDA TATE REVEALING HERSELF AS TALIA ONLY LASTS LIKE 10 GOD DAMN MINUTES BECAUSE THEN SHE FUCKING DIES! RRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! 
FUCK YOU MOVIE! FUCK, YOOOOOOOOOOOOU!! I never thought I would feel this betrayed and backstabbed from a Christopher Nolan Batman movie.

2. Bane is STILL just a henchman and was never portrayed the way HE SHOULD BE.

This is really fucking annoying. First off, Bane is NOT Bane in this movie. Yes, yes, he is not just the bumbling moron in Batman & Robin, but he is still not Bane. Throughout the movie, certain plans are forced in motion, the planting of the cement explosives, the set up in the sewers, Bane calls Batman out as Bruce Wayne, etc. Bane is a highly intelligent person. At first, you figure that he worked this stuff out and discovered all the secrets like he did in the comic. NOPE. We find out in this shit flick that Miranda Tate is Talia al Ghul and Bane gained all his knowledge from her and that all the scheming and plotting was thanks to her. So, the great villain Bane is once again just another henchman in a Batman movie. I agree he is devious in this movie, but he STILL doesn't not compare the Bane in the comic. Since the whole plan was Talia's idea, it erases any idea that Bane was the cunning and intelligent villain that only comic fans would know about. He is made to be another link in the chain and since HIS origin was given to Talia, he doesn't really have any personality of his own and FAILS, FUCKING FAILS, as an individual in this movie. Why Bane was even chosen as a villain is beyond me.

3. Catwoman is non-essential.

Let me say this first; I don't think Anne Hathaway was bad in this film. Her portrayal as Catwoman was ok. Not really the way I would have seen it, but it wasn't terrible. My issue is was Catwoman even a necessary addition to this film? Seriously, what does she do? She gets Bruce Wayne's finger prints, helps Batman find Bane, and then help clear a path at the end of the movie. You could have had anyone play this role. ANYONE. Nothing that was done was special in regards to Catwoman. There was nothing unique. Nothing memorable. Nothing that says “only Catwoman could do this.” Was she just added due to fan demands? I don't get it. And then the love connection between her and Bruce Wayne is not developed AT ALL in this movie and is just left for assumption that “oh, it's Catwoman so she just gets with Batman.” Like it's something that everyone should know. Once again, another lazy character thrown into a jumbled piece of fuck movie.

4. The Dark Knight is pretty much ignored.

The second movie in the Nolan Batman trilogy is cast asunder. The only major connection is the death of Harvey Dent. That's it. And I'm not saying the Joker had to be mentioned. Check this out: In the second movie, there is the scene where the people are on one ferry and the convicts are on the other. Both decide not to blow the other up and Batman gives Joker the speech about how Gotham will never bow down to likes of chaos the Joker brings and will always stand up to tyranny. Yeah, throw that shit out the window. Bane comes in and takes over, does the city stand up to him, nope. They're just like, “Whatever, do what you want. We will just have anarchy.” What the hell is was Nolan thinking? You take a great moral that the second movie taught and then chucked it? Seriously, what the fuck? I mean, there was even a GREAT moment where the moral could have been cemented. Near the end of the film, all the Police officers march toward Bane and his army. This would have been the best part to have the citizens of Gotham join with them in their march. Once again, proving, that Gotham will never bow down to evil. But no. I don't even think anyone thought of this. The Dark Knight Rises, with the exception of Harvey Dent mentions and the pictures of Rachel, is more like a sequel to Batman Begins. You know, because it's a great idea to totally snub the BEST MOVIE IN THE SERIES.

5. Alfred is disgraced and thrown away in this film.

I don't know if this bothered anyone else as much as it did me. Alfred is one of my favorite characters in Batman and he is ESSENTIAL, especially in this trilogy. But in this movie, Michael Cane's Alfred is only shown for like 15 minutes total. -sigh- What a huge let down. The first two movies proved that Alfred was cemented as the most important supporting character and he is just tossed out of this movie. In fact, a lot was tossed out, but this one stings the most. Limiting Alfred in a Batman movie or story, is like if Empire Strikes Back had Han Solo only in the first few scenes of Hoth and then putting him in carbonite. That's ridiculous and makes NO SENSE! Alfred is not a character that can be brushed aside, especially in the Nolan series. Yes, I know, Batman and him have a falling out, but it wasn't necessary. In the Nolan Batman movies, Alfred is his rock, his port in the storm. This has to be done in these movies because he doesn't not have Robin like he does in the comic. Alfred needs more respect in the Batman community. If he already has a lot, THEN HE NEEDS MORE.


  1. Honestly, as a non-comic reader, I'm not sure much of that would bug me. Maybe the last one might suck? But I don't know Bane or Talia Al Ghul's stories enough to care about that sort of thing, so those wouldn't make much of a difference to me.

    Sounds like, for better or worse, they cared more about people like me than hardcore Batman fans.

  2. damn, this movie is asssssssss.

    ps- WHERES THE TRIGGER?!?!??!!!

  3. It took me more than a week and about five blog posts to finally sort out my feelings about The Dark Knight Rises (turns out I really don't like the movie); the fact that you can get to your point so succinctly speaks in volumes about you and your experience.

    Obviously, you enjoyed it immensely. /facetiousness

    About your fourth point...actually, I was thinking about that too, and very nearly wrote it off as an(other) error on Nolan's part. The way I interpreted it -- while watching the movie -- the prisoners were there because the Dent Act and all the nasty particulars locked them up without any rights, hope, or justice. When they were set free, their first thoughts were of revenge, regardless of what they'd been through in the past. I assume that's what Nolan went for...buuuuuuuuut it only took a few seconds afterward to make me realize the misstep. If they addressed the ferry scene from TDK in the slightest (like a prisoner going "We did the right thing, and this is how they treat us? Time to riot!") it MIGHT have worked. But they didn't.

    And that's really a shame. A lot of work and talent went into the movie, but there were just so many problems with it that I couldn't get invested. That's not to say that other movies don't have issues, but the strengths helped me ignore the weaknesses. In TDKR? That's not the case. And that's just so damn frustrating.

    On the plus side, Alfred (and my personal favorite, Commissioner Gordon) were their usual badass selves.

  4. I thoroughly enjoyed the last movie! This movie.. was ok but not as good as the last. As a non-comic person, I don't know much about Bane, and after watching that movie... I STILL don't know much about Bane. Go figure.

  5. Speaking of Blackgate Prison and the Dent Act, where was Arkham Asylum in this movie?! We have to believe that all the crazy psychos were put with the regular criminals? One personal thing I hate about Nolan's Batman series is that Arkham Asylum isn't really a big deal to him. I mean, it was in Batman Begins, but briefly and it was NOT the Arkham Asylum fans grew to love.

  6. I wonder though, if because Nolan's Batman is supposed to be more "realistic" there really aren't supervillians to stick in Arkham Asylum. It would be just another mental institute in that case. Probably why it's downplayed.

  7. Tom, I know you can only pick 5, but I know no boundaries & can hate this lop of shit for as many reasons as I like. For example: Why blow up all the bridges in Gotham but one? Why drive the giant bomb around in a truck? Why make a bomb that can go off with a detonator AND/OR blow up eventually at a time that can't be determined? Why did Gordon walk around with this 12 page confession/speech in his pocket? How can Catwoman drive the Bat-cycle with sideways fucking wheels like a champ? How do you fix a broken back? With rope and push-ups? How many times did they say "autopilot"? The dude's NAME is "Robin"? Like, his first name is fucking ROBIN? What the fuck ever. I could hate on this movie all week. Fuck Chris Nolan and his shitty butthole of a movie. Holla.

  8. Preach on, my brother, preach on.

  9. that about sums it up doesn't it
    I for one was horribly disappointed at the utter lack of catwoman scenes, and there wasn't anything original about the overall plot either it's a half baked remake of the last one, I also didn't think it was possible to fail this hard from nolan but what's done is done I guess

  10. Agreed. Not sure if maybe they had to scrap this together or not, but definitely not one of Nolan's prized works.

  11. i thought Hathaway did a poor job here. it didn't feel believable, more like bad high school drama student acting. i think people are just trying to justify nolan's poor female casting than praising a legitimately good performance.

  12. You are so right on. This movie SUCKED! Great job on outlining why!

  13. Tom, I totally agree, this movie was not the last movie this series deserved. Nolan has done a lot of things that disappoint me as a fan of the comics in terms of leaving things out in the first two movies, but over all I had been enjoying them, especially the Dark Knight. The series seemed to be making a good progression, and although it wasn't 100% faithful, it was respectful of the comics, then this piece of crap movie came out. The second, fourth and fifth reasons you listed were in my mind the largest offenses Nolan made, but I totally agree with you on all accounts. And as you briefly touched upon, he did more than just ignore the Dark Knight, he just recycled the plot from Batman Begins and tried to make it overly complicated. He just went backwards, Talia Al Ghul was effectively Bane's plot thief and a rehash of Ra's Al Ghul since "opps!" they had killed him off already. But the worst part is non comic book fans think this movie is acceptable, some even thought it was a good movie, which it wasn't. This great building of Batman for mainstream audiences was ruined, I don't know if Nolan was going to do something different before he lost his joker, but if he was this shouldn't have been what he created, and if not, he should have just stopped with the Dark Knight.

  14. I'm pretty sure he had something planned with the Joker. But something better could have come out of this. And I still argue with some of my friends that think this was a good movie. And with the 52 series out, this new generation is being raised on a terrible vision of Batman. Hopefully, the Dark Knight isn't far from saving, but it's getting really bad. Thanks for the comment.

  15. Thank you now i dont feel alone in my hatred!

  16. Well, the only thing this movie was for is given us lots of hilarious spoofs. Have you seen CollegeHumor, Cracked or AverageNetwork parodies of Christopher Nolan/Christian Bale's Batman? They're all golden! XD

    A good movie, production-wise, but such an awful Batman... *WHEREISIT!!!!! SWEARTOMEEEEEE!!!! HARVEYDENTCANWETRUSTHIMMMMMM!?!??*