So, I've been angered recently by a particular fast food restaurant. You might of heard of this little chain called McDonald's. I am fueled and ready to lay down the smack to fast food every where but before I do, I want to state that this 5R2H is in no way against any employee for any fast food chain that works on the grill. I have worked at McDonald's before and I know all the ins and outs, and the grill people are the lifeblood of any fast food restaurant, and sadly, are treated the lowest. With them making the actual food, those places would be dead. Also, I enjoy most fast food. Just putting that out there.
1. Drive-Thrus and the front counter.
Ever wonder why your order gets messed
up? Why you asked for no pickles and got pickles(which are FUCKING
DISGUSTING by the way)? It's the drive-thru and front counter people
that fuck this up. You tell them, plain as day, what you want and
don't want, and it is their responsibility to enter in correctly.
IT'S THEIR FAULT it gets messed up. How do I know this? Experience,
my friends. I worked grill at Mickey D's and there is a computer that
hangs and shows all the orders. If I read, 2 DBL CSBRGR NO KHP EX ON,
I know that means 2 double cheeseburgers with no ketchup and extra
onions. Now, when the order is complete(meaning made), I would hit a
button that would erase the order and move up the next one. So say
the customer goes to the counter and says they wanted no onions and
extra ketchup? It was whoever entered the order's fault. But is that
how it goes down? NO. They IMMEDIATELY blame those on the grill. And
it ALWAYS works out like this:
Them: “Hey! You made this sandwich
wrong!”
Me: “No, I made it the way YOU
entered it.”
Them: “I don't see it on the screen!”
Me: “Because I just FUCKING CLEARED
IT.”
Them: “You need to make these
sandwiches correctly!”
Me: “EVERY SANDWICH FOR THE REST OF
THE DAY IS GETTING NO KETCHUP AND EXTRA FUCKING ONIONS!”
Now, most people take a look at those
on the grill and look down on them, and in turn of everyone that
works at the restaurant is blaming the only people that NEVER talk to
customers, it makes this shit spread. How about this? Ever pull up to
Taco Bell and they ask you what kind of hot sauce you want and then
when you get your order and drive off, THERE'S NO FUCKING HOT SAUCE?!
You're left in bewilderment thinking, “why did they ask me what
kind of hot sauce I wanted if they weren't going to give me any?”
These are the false Nazi-tyrants that think they are God's gift to
fucking everything because they take orders at the FUCKING
DRIVE-THRU! THEY ARE THE ONES THAT FUCK YOUR ORDERS UP! Next time you
get something messed up and you hear someone in the back or in the
kitchen get reamed for this, grab that shitfuck that's imitating
Hitler and tell them, “It's not his fault, it's YOUR fault! Learn
to fucking pay attention to people and get their god damn orders
right!” And just one thing I need to say about the Drive-Thru
dickweeds. Just because you walk around with your “Raptor” arms
and special vest doesn't mean you can tell the grill folks what to
do. And I hope you enjoyed all the “surprises” you found in your
food when you demanded, and not asked, for something to get cooked
for you.
2. Auto-Replies and don't reply.
The reason I decided to write this is
because of this shit right here. I order a meal at McDonald's the
other day and the fries I get are the most limpdick fries I have ever
received. They were cold and NOT FRIED. Now, this goes back to Reason
1. Do you know who does the fries? THE FUCKING FRONT COUNTER PEOPLE!
Now, the primary job for these fucks isn't fries but the Supervisors
assign who to work them each day and at what time. And do those
colossal pricks ask a grill guy to take a break to do that? NO. The
easy shit goes to the front counter folks. And they are so pissed
because they have to do ACTUAL WORK, that they get fucking lazy and
forget how to cook god damn french fries. So, still having my
receipt, I went to the McDonald's website to form a complaint. Now
naturally, after I submitted the complaint, I get an Auto-Reply with
something stating that I had sent the message; these Auto-Replies
don't bother me. It's the stupid e-mail I got the next day that
pissed me off. You know what this e-mail was? One of those STUPID
Auto-Replies that just meta crawled key words in your complaint, and
just auto filled them into the response. Why have a complaint
department? I would have respected the truth a hell of a lot more.
Because we all know what they are really saying is: “There's not a
fucking thing we can do about.” On to the shady shit, the
questionnaire for the complaint does even have any information you
can enter the verify the order to CONFIRM that I even made a purchase
that day. And the receipt has no Master Number I can enter so it can
be researched. So on their end with no idea whatsoever, HOW ARE THEY
EVEN GOING TO VERIFY THAT MY COMPLAINT IS LEGIT?? What, do I have to
keep going to that specific McDonald's and complain EVERY time? NO! I
don't even want to go BACK to that McDonald's! Sheesh. Oh, and here
is the BS default e-mail I received...AT 3 O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING
MORNING:
I want to thank you for taking the time to share your recent experience at the McDonald's in ... with me. Your feedback is very important to us as it allows us to better understand how we can improve our service to you.
I am sorry the french fries did not live up to our high quality standards. Please be assured that we want to provide you with an exceptional experience every time you visit us. From your email, it is clear we did not meet your expectations. Again, I am truly sorry we disappointed you.
I want you to know that I have already taken action on your feedback. After reading your email, I immediately shared the information you brought to our attention with the local franchise owner of the restaurant you visited. Additionally, customer feedback is reviewed with our regional McDonald's consultants as part of our ongoing commitment to improving our restaurants' operations.
Again, thank you for sharing your feedback. We appreciate your business and we hope to have the pleasure of serving you soon.
Thomas
McDonald's Customer Response Center
Oh, and of course, the e-mail followed
with a “Do not reply” message so there is no way to even check on
the status of my complaint. This is generic including absolutely
NOTHING PERSONAL at all to ensure me that someone ACTUALLY READ MY
COMPLAINT. And this may be a paranoid thought, but did this fucking
thing place MY NAME automatically as the McDonald's Customer Response
Center rep?! Or am I supposed to believe that it shares the same name
as myself? Hmm, I wonder.
3. Why is there so much FUCKING
mayonnaise?
This one is just a quick personal
attack on the sandwiches at Burger King. Now, I'm going to write as
if I am speaking to the “King” himself: Bro. Why do you rape your
fucking sandwiches with GALLONS OF MAYONNAISE? I am not a big mayo
guy. I like it lightly spreading on specific things, like a BLT for
instance. But when I get a god damn Whopper, I shouldn't be chocking
on something I'm sure was inspired by a Peter North compilation! NO
HUMAN BEING NEEDS THAT MUCH MAYO. What, is it like some kind staple
at BK or something? And no one can blame the cooks because fast food
joints has specific instructions and devices to use when adding
condiments. Usually it's a gunlike mechanism that places the
company's desired amount on a sandwich after one squeeze. So, BK
sandwiches swim in seminal like mayo because THEY WANT IT TO BE LIKE
THAT. Most sandwiches I can stand with a regular and HUMAN amount of
mayo on it but BK just globs that shit on there. I hate asking for
food with or without something because I know the counter/drive-thru
numbnut will fuck it up. I take my food LIKE A MAN and just eat it
regardless. So when I have to ask, “Can you please hold on the
sandwich buttfuck of jizz-mayo, please?” then there is something
wrong.
4. “Unsweetened” Iced Tea.
I'm sure people have heard this many of
times but here's a damn reminder. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS
UNSWEETENED ICED TEA. The tea is not naturally SWEETENED. If you want
to add sugar(or something like it), then it is SWEET TEA. Now, before
I get a head of myself, I do not like nor drink tea. But my
girlfriend does. She CONSTANTLY has to ask for “Unsweetened” Iced
Tea. When the fuck did this happen?! If I ask for Iced Tea, IT SHOULD
NOT BE SWEETENED. Therefore, UNSWEETENED ICED TEA DOES NOT EXIST, IT
IS JUST ICED TEA!!! And it's ICED TEA for all you illiterate
dumbfucks, not “Ice” Tea. Is tea made from ice? NO. The tea is
“iced” by adding the fuckin' ice itself. There's no tea/ice
hybrid that grows in the fucking ground! GET THIS SHIT STRAIGHT,
PEOPLE!
5. People's horror stories and how fast
food has been ruined.
This one does have to do with fast food
itself but with the dumb fucking ASSHOLES that keep RUINING IT. I am
so SICK of hearing people's horror stories of how the food is made,
or where it comes from, or that Taco Bell's beef is artificial
silicon; IT TASTES FUCKING AWESOME SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. When I worked
at McDonald's, do you know what the worse part about it was? NOTHING.
As far as how the food is there and stored(which is just frozen)
there is nothing disgusting about any of the food products they had.
Nothing was gross to cook, nothing looking disgusting, NOTHING WAS
WRONG WITH IT. If ANYTHING, the fast food nowadays tastes WORSE
because of all the people BITCHING about how bad it is for you. Now
everything is cooked to shit or fried in Vegetable Oil instead of
grease. YOU DID IT TO YOURSELVES.
So what if a toe was in a cup of
chili or a dead mouse was in a baked potato, or whatever; it's a one
in a million chance that you will get something like that. Everything
is cooked and burnt to hell so much, that you probably ate a charred
finger and didn't even fucking know it, because it was cooked so damn
long it shriveled into a tiny, burnt turd on your sandwich. STOP
COMPLAINING OR THE FOOD WILL JUST TASTE WORSE. Stop whining about how
bad it is for you. Stop telling your stupid stories about where the
food comes from. And stop thinking that your complaints are
protecting the health of America, blah, blah, blah. I will decide
what to put in my body, even if it is the greasiest, most fattening
fast food product ever created. I haven't needed a nanny since I was
about 7 or 8 years old so go bother your own family! Go ahead and
tell me something like chicken nuggets comes from chicken dicks;
because you know what, it tastes DAMN GOOD.
And if you're wondering
why I'm bitching about people bitching about something I've just been
bitching about, well, you'll have to break that one down for
yourself. Or stop complaining about the wrong things and fucking up
fast food for the rest of us.
