TORT - Episode 41 - "Deck the Halls"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss Christmas past

TORT - Episode 40 - "Put'em in a Body Bag"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss The Karate Kid movie

Comic Book Recommendations - Batman - Part 3

Check out Part 3 of my Comic Book recommendations for Batman

TORT - Episode 39 - "It Takes Two To Shenmue"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss DCC 2014 and Shenmue

TORT - Episode 38 - Iron Man Origins: The Dark World

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss Batman Arkham Origins, Thor the Dark World and Iron Man 3

5 Reasons 2 Hate: Batman Arkham Origins

Don't say I didn't tell ya so

TORT - Episode 37 - "JP3, PS4, USF4"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss Jurassic Part 3, PS4 and Ultra Street Fighter 4

Comic Book Recommendations - Batman - Part 2

Check out Part 2 of my Comic Book recommendations for Batman

TORT - Episode 36 - "Mr. DNA's Betrayal"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss The Lost World and Ultra Street Fighter 4

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

5 Reasons 2 Hate: Fast Food










So, I've been angered recently by a particular fast food restaurant. You might of heard of this little chain called McDonald's. I am fueled and ready to lay down the smack to fast food every where but before I do, I want to state that this 5R2H is in no way against any employee for any fast food chain that works on the grill. I have worked at McDonald's before and I know all the ins and outs, and the grill people are the lifeblood of any fast food restaurant, and sadly, are treated the lowest. With them making the actual food, those places would be dead. Also, I enjoy most fast food. Just putting that out there.

1. Drive-Thrus and the front counter.

Ever wonder why your order gets messed up? Why you asked for no pickles and got pickles(which are FUCKING DISGUSTING by the way)? It's the drive-thru and front counter people that fuck this up. You tell them, plain as day, what you want and don't want, and it is their responsibility to enter in correctly. IT'S THEIR FAULT it gets messed up. How do I know this? Experience, my friends. I worked grill at Mickey D's and there is a computer that hangs and shows all the orders. If I read, 2 DBL CSBRGR NO KHP EX ON, I know that means 2 double cheeseburgers with no ketchup and extra onions. Now, when the order is complete(meaning made), I would hit a button that would erase the order and move up the next one. So say the customer goes to the counter and says they wanted no onions and extra ketchup? It was whoever entered the order's fault. But is that how it goes down? NO. They IMMEDIATELY blame those on the grill. And it ALWAYS works out like this:

Them: “Hey! You made this sandwich wrong!”
Me: “No, I made it the way YOU entered it.”
Them: “I don't see it on the screen!”
Me: “Because I just FUCKING CLEARED IT.”
Them: “You need to make these sandwiches correctly!”
Me: “EVERY SANDWICH FOR THE REST OF THE DAY IS GETTING NO KETCHUP AND EXTRA FUCKING ONIONS!”

Now, most people take a look at those on the grill and look down on them, and in turn of everyone that works at the restaurant is blaming the only people that NEVER talk to customers, it makes this shit spread. How about this? Ever pull up to Taco Bell and they ask you what kind of hot sauce you want and then when you get your order and drive off, THERE'S NO FUCKING HOT SAUCE?! You're left in bewilderment thinking, “why did they ask me what kind of hot sauce I wanted if they weren't going to give me any?” These are the false Nazi-tyrants that think they are God's gift to fucking everything because they take orders at the FUCKING DRIVE-THRU! THEY ARE THE ONES THAT FUCK YOUR ORDERS UP! Next time you get something messed up and you hear someone in the back or in the kitchen get reamed for this, grab that shitfuck that's imitating Hitler and tell them, “It's not his fault, it's YOUR fault! Learn to fucking pay attention to people and get their god damn orders right!” And just one thing I need to say about the Drive-Thru dickweeds. Just because you walk around with your “Raptor” arms and special vest doesn't mean you can tell the grill folks what to do. And I hope you enjoyed all the “surprises” you found in your food when you demanded, and not asked, for something to get cooked for you.

2. Auto-Replies and don't reply.

The reason I decided to write this is because of this shit right here. I order a meal at McDonald's the other day and the fries I get are the most limpdick fries I have ever received. They were cold and NOT FRIED. Now, this goes back to Reason 1. Do you know who does the fries? THE FUCKING FRONT COUNTER PEOPLE! Now, the primary job for these fucks isn't fries but the Supervisors assign who to work them each day and at what time. And do those colossal pricks ask a grill guy to take a break to do that? NO. The easy shit goes to the front counter folks. And they are so pissed because they have to do ACTUAL WORK, that they get fucking lazy and forget how to cook god damn french fries. So, still having my receipt, I went to the McDonald's website to form a complaint. Now naturally, after I submitted the complaint, I get an Auto-Reply with something stating that I had sent the message; these Auto-Replies don't bother me. It's the stupid e-mail I got the next day that pissed me off. You know what this e-mail was? One of those STUPID Auto-Replies that just meta crawled key words in your complaint, and just auto filled them into the response. Why have a complaint department? I would have respected the truth a hell of a lot more. Because we all know what they are really saying is: “There's not a fucking thing we can do about.” On to the shady shit, the questionnaire for the complaint does even have any information you can enter the verify the order to CONFIRM that I even made a purchase that day. And the receipt has no Master Number I can enter so it can be researched. So on their end with no idea whatsoever, HOW ARE THEY EVEN GOING TO VERIFY THAT MY COMPLAINT IS LEGIT?? What, do I have to keep going to that specific McDonald's and complain EVERY time? NO! I don't even want to go BACK to that McDonald's! Sheesh. Oh, and here is the BS default e-mail I received...AT 3 O'CLOCK IN THE FUCKING MORNING:



I want to thank you for taking the time to share your recent experience at the McDonald's in ... with me. Your feedback is very important to us as it allows us to better understand how we can improve our service to you.

I am sorry the french fries did not live up to our high quality standards. Please be assured that we want to provide you with an exceptional experience every time you visit us. From your email, it is clear we did not meet your expectations. Again, I am truly sorry we disappointed you.

I want you to know that I have already taken action on your feedback. After reading your email, I immediately shared the information you brought to our attention with the local franchise owner of the restaurant you visited. Additionally, customer feedback is reviewed with our regional McDonald's consultants as part of our ongoing commitment to improving our restaurants' operations.

Again, thank you for sharing your feedback. We appreciate your business and we hope to have the pleasure of serving you soon.

Thomas
McDonald's Customer Response Center 


Oh, and of course, the e-mail followed with a “Do not reply” message so there is no way to even check on the status of my complaint. This is generic including absolutely NOTHING PERSONAL at all to ensure me that someone ACTUALLY READ MY COMPLAINT. And this may be a paranoid thought, but did this fucking thing place MY NAME automatically as the McDonald's Customer Response Center rep?! Or am I supposed to believe that it shares the same name as myself? Hmm, I wonder.

3. Why is there so much FUCKING mayonnaise?

This one is just a quick personal attack on the sandwiches at Burger King. Now, I'm going to write as if I am speaking to the “King” himself: Bro. Why do you rape your fucking sandwiches with GALLONS OF MAYONNAISE? I am not a big mayo guy. I like it lightly spreading on specific things, like a BLT for instance. But when I get a god damn Whopper, I shouldn't be chocking on something I'm sure was inspired by a Peter North compilation! NO HUMAN BEING NEEDS THAT MUCH MAYO. What, is it like some kind staple at BK or something? And no one can blame the cooks because fast food joints has specific instructions and devices to use when adding condiments. Usually it's a gunlike mechanism that places the company's desired amount on a sandwich after one squeeze. So, BK sandwiches swim in seminal like mayo because THEY WANT IT TO BE LIKE THAT. Most sandwiches I can stand with a regular and HUMAN amount of mayo on it but BK just globs that shit on there. I hate asking for food with or without something because I know the counter/drive-thru numbnut will fuck it up. I take my food LIKE A MAN and just eat it regardless. So when I have to ask, “Can you please hold on the sandwich buttfuck of jizz-mayo, please?” then there is something wrong.

4. “Unsweetened” Iced Tea.

I'm sure people have heard this many of times but here's a damn reminder. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS UNSWEETENED ICED TEA. The tea is not naturally SWEETENED. If you want to add sugar(or something like it), then it is SWEET TEA. Now, before I get a head of myself, I do not like nor drink tea. But my girlfriend does. She CONSTANTLY has to ask for “Unsweetened” Iced Tea. When the fuck did this happen?! If I ask for Iced Tea, IT SHOULD NOT BE SWEETENED. Therefore, UNSWEETENED ICED TEA DOES NOT EXIST, IT IS JUST ICED TEA!!! And it's ICED TEA for all you illiterate dumbfucks, not “Ice” Tea. Is tea made from ice? NO. The tea is “iced” by adding the fuckin' ice itself. There's no tea/ice hybrid that grows in the fucking ground! GET THIS SHIT STRAIGHT, PEOPLE!

5. People's horror stories and how fast food has been ruined.

This one does have to do with fast food itself but with the dumb fucking ASSHOLES that keep RUINING IT. I am so SICK of hearing people's horror stories of how the food is made, or where it comes from, or that Taco Bell's beef is artificial silicon; IT TASTES FUCKING AWESOME SO SHUT THE FUCK UP. When I worked at McDonald's, do you know what the worse part about it was? NOTHING. As far as how the food is there and stored(which is just frozen) there is nothing disgusting about any of the food products they had. Nothing was gross to cook, nothing looking disgusting, NOTHING WAS WRONG WITH IT. If ANYTHING, the fast food nowadays tastes WORSE because of all the people BITCHING about how bad it is for you. Now everything is cooked to shit or fried in Vegetable Oil instead of grease. YOU DID IT TO YOURSELVES. 

So what if a toe was in a cup of chili or a dead mouse was in a baked potato, or whatever; it's a one in a million chance that you will get something like that. Everything is cooked and burnt to hell so much, that you probably ate a charred finger and didn't even fucking know it, because it was cooked so damn long it shriveled into a tiny, burnt turd on your sandwich. STOP COMPLAINING OR THE FOOD WILL JUST TASTE WORSE. Stop whining about how bad it is for you. Stop telling your stupid stories about where the food comes from. And stop thinking that your complaints are protecting the health of America, blah, blah, blah. I will decide what to put in my body, even if it is the greasiest, most fattening fast food product ever created. I haven't needed a nanny since I was about 7 or 8 years old so go bother your own family! Go ahead and tell me something like chicken nuggets comes from chicken dicks; because you know what, it tastes DAMN GOOD. 

And if you're wondering why I'm bitching about people bitching about something I've just been bitching about, well, you'll have to break that one down for yourself. Or stop complaining about the wrong things and fucking up fast food for the rest of us.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Mad Shout Outs and Big Time Props

I just wanted to post and thank everyone that was involved with helping the fundraiser for the Staten Island Academy of Performing Arts at mentalcast.tk. It was very gracious of you and I am in your debt. Thank you so much!


Barry @ Attention Earthlings | http://barry-gnostalgia.blogspot.com
Doug Fales @ Lets Bro! | http://letsbro.blogspot.com
Doug Michel @ Monkey Squad One | http://monkeysquadone.blogspot.com
Alex @ The Patchwork Nerd | http://patchworknerd.blogspot.com
Daniel Alvarez @ Destroyer's Editorials and Reviews | http://destroyers-editorialsandreviews.blogspot.com
The Traveling Circus @ http://www.thetravelingcircus.net
Tim Knight @ Heropress | heropress.net
Brian @ Lead Legion Miniature Painting Services | http://www.leadlegion.com
Play Nintendo @ http://playnintendoparko.blogspot.com
Gamedae @ http://gamedae.blogspot.com
Long Island Joe @ twitch.tv/thisislijoe
Juicebox @ http://www.twitch.tv/juiceboxabel
Ricky Ortiz @ http://www.fgtvlive.com
Keebles @ Keebles World | http://keeblesworld.blogspot.com
Tanner @ Tanner Reviews the World | tannerreviewstheworld.com
Martin Gray @ Too Dangerous For a Girl | http://dangermart.blogspot.com
The Projection Booth @ http://projection-booth.com

And thanks to all that viewed the stream! You are a great group of people and I will not forget it!

Thank you again!


Fundraiser for the Staten Island Academy of Performing Arts


Here are all the details for the fundraiser for the Staten Island Academy of Performing Arts!

This is tonight!!!

The Mental Cast is having a fundraiser for the Staten Island Academy of Performing Arts

Please tune into The Mental Cast at mentalcast.tk on May 22nd, 2012, from 6pm - Midnight EST

If you are interested in donating, please send a donation via PayPal to: siapabenefit2012@gmail.com

I will be giving personal shout outs in the future for those of you that were awesome enough to help out and the Mental Cast crew will being giving their shout outs live on the stream. Please Tweet, Facebook; just social network this shit all day!

Come give it a listen and join in their chat and we will have a great time!

Thanks!

Monday, May 21, 2012

Help the Staten Island Academy of Performing Arts


Just wanted to let everyone know that I am announcing a Call to Arms regarding a benefit for the the Staten Island Academy of Performing Arts. Some of you that follow me have probably already gotten my e-mail. For those I did not contact, it's because I did not find an E-mail on Blogger!

The friends of Geek Juice, Mental Cast, is having a fundraiser on their site tomorrow and we need some help getting the information out there!

I'm looking for those that follow the site and keep communication with me (via e-mail, twitter, or just comments on each other's posts) to let me know if you are interested in making a post tomorrow, May 22nd, and help out spreading the word for this fundraiser! No, I'm not asking for money, but if ANYONE is willing to use a post regarding this event, please contact me for the posting details!

E-Mail: tombadguy2096@gmail.com
Twitter: @tom_badguy

In return, we will give anyone that posts mad props on the stream and drop your URL for your site.

You can check out The Mental Cast at mentalcast.tk

If no one is interested, don't worry about it, it will not be taken personally. More details regarding the fundraiser will be posted on my page and the main Geek Juice page tomorrow.

Thank you!

Sunday, May 20, 2012

Alex Jowski Reviews: Crasian Videos #34 - Avalon


Check out this episode of Crasian Videos by Alex Jowski where I make a cameo appearance!

Friday, May 18, 2012

Review: Union Jack #1












This is another comic I got from my good friend Kevin Daley, mad props to him again. I thought the cover looked interesting and I was intrigued by the “To face the power of the walking dead!” slogan. What I didn't know was how much I was really going to enjoy this issue. Now, this isn't the Freedom's Five Union Jack. This is about his predecessor, Joey Chapman. First some back story, which the opening of this comic explains.. The original Union Jack, Lord James Falsworth, was part of the Freedom's Five, an old World War I super squad, and then later became part of the group called the Invaders, which included Captain America, Namor and the original Human Torch. The motto of the hero was to fight for Queen and country. His nemesis was a Nazi-Vampire named Baron Blood. After his defeat, Falsworth's career ended with the paralyzing loss of his legs and then death by heart failure. The mantle was then given to Joey Chapman. And so, our hero is introduced:

Union Jack, circa 1998
Chapman is a friend of Lord Falsworth grandson, Kenneth Crichton, and since Ken proved too weak to take the guise of Union Jack, Joey took up his place. Armed with a vintage Webley Pistol, the standard issue service pistol for those in the military in Britain from the mid-80s to mid 90s, and a silver dagger, we find our hero ambushed by creatures of the night; Vampires to be precise. We get a really well drawn fight sequence of UJ fighting off the undead buggers with some great internal dialogue. The opening fight scene sucks me right in as UJ starts to become over run screaming, “Come on! Come on!” with the internal dialogue of “Maybe not the best idea.” And when it seems all is lost, we get the opening eyes of UJ to see the Vamps have been taken out by the sun.

Amen.
The next few pages cut to a funeral for Ken's friend Christopher Sinclair. Ken and Chris both share the same disease, Anemia, a decreased number of red blood cells. UJ is not convinced that Chris died from the sickness and upon closer inspection of the body in the casket, he finds two puncture wounds under the hairline and finds that Chris has been taken by a Vampire. He turns to find Ken speaking with an unknown woman that quickly leaves when she notices UJ. Ken confirms very little of the mysterious woman.

Joey discovers the Vampire bite
We then have a page scene of UJ examining an artifact he got from one of the Vampires at the beginning engagement. Then a quick cut to Chris being introduced to, what seems to be, the Vampire underworld and is presented to an unknown blonde woman. Then another quick cut to UJ climbing into the house of his ex-girlfriend, Romany Wisdom, who studies the occult. After some small, rather humorous gun banter(she holds the “Alley Cannon” and makes remarks about the Webley), the two examine the artifact that UJ has. It dates back to the 16th Century and refers to an event known as the “Sabbath of the Rosy Rood.” A church in Northern Spain fell victim to a Vampire cult. When trying to torch the church in which the Vampires slept, the villagers were ambushed and slaughtered. This church was one as many that Joseph of Arimathea, a man that his own tomb to Jesus Christ, routed on his path to find the Holy Grail.


After some more banter between the ex-couple, we cut to UJ and Ken at a bar and Ken has had a bit too much to drink. In his drunken rage, he pours his anger and jealousy onto UJ almost giving up his secret identity. They leave and Ken attempts a cheap, angry swing that is easily dodged and UJ helps his friend home. I really liked this scene. It shows the stake that has been driven between two friends of the mantle of Union Jack. Where Joey feels that Union Jack is a sign of tradition and a power for the people, Ken is jealous and feels it should be his by right. But nevertheless, Joey has to find a way to still be Ken's friend even though being Union Jack is driving them apart. It is a very real situation where two friends must find a way to cope and continue their friendship.

UJ brings Ken home and has a small talk with Kenneth's mother, Jacqueline Falsworth-Crichton, and they discuss Ken's current state of mind. Cutting to the dark bedroom of Ken, he sees his friend Chris outside the window asking him to come and join him so he can be healed of his disease. Union Jack arrives to chase Chris away and we get an ending montage of the blonde Vampire, known as The Baroness. UJ heads back to the cathedral where Chris' funeral was to find out a similarity between his artifact and the church...

I demand more Union Jack
I really liked this comic. It sucked me in and want to find the others so I can read more of it. I like Joey Chapman as a character. He takes Union Jack and continues the tradition of being a hero while trying to maintain a friendship that is waning. It's something you can relate too, except the whole super hero thing. And I liked the banter between him and his ex. The writing was really enjoyable, which was done by Ben Raab and John Cassaday(who also drew the comic). Raab has done work like some issues on Fantastic Four 2099, and Cassady has done work with the Astonishing X-Men for about 4 years(04-08).....and he did....C-23 #6??? Wow, I actually found another reference to the C-23 comic...odd. Overall, I recommend picking this up. Now, this is a mini-series made in 1998 so I am unaware if there are any recent continued series. But if there is, I totally want to read them.

Ads in the Comic:

Lost in Space, on video Oct 6th!
Some Card Game event, I think
Pants....yeah

Geek Juice Radio - Episode 21


Episode 21 is now available to download/listen.  Click the link below to download/listen and remember you can always listen to Geek Juice Radio at http://www.jackaloperadio.com

Episode 21 - Click to Download/Listen
Discussions about Sports Video Games and The Avengers movie

Featuring: Tom Badguy, Alex Jowski, Kevin Daley, Charley McMullen, and special guest Dustin Kidd

Friday, May 11, 2012

Geek Juice Radio: Episode 20


Episode 20 is now available to download/listen.  Click the link below to download/listen and remember you can always listen to Geek Juice Radio at http://www.jackaloperadio.com

Episode 20 - Click to Download/Listen
Discussions about the 2012 NFL Draft

Featuring: Tom Badguy, Alex Jowski, Kevin Daley, Charley McMullen, Numb Renditions and special guest Dane Forgione

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Review: Jim Lee's C 23




Before I begin this review, I just have to explain something. I tried researching this comic. From what I know, C23 is a Collectable Card Game(CCG). But the most I was able to find were just images and lists for the cards. But as far as this comic goes, I couldn't find much. I looked on the Image Comics website and I can't find it. I type in the website on the cover, http://www.wildstorm.com, and it goes right to DC Comics' website. This was also a product of Wizards of the Coast...which also has no information on this. And I can't even determine if this is the same Jim Lee that did The Punisher War Journals because his wiki doesn't list C23. So, with limited knowledge about ANY OF THIS, and I tried to find some, lets take a look at Jim Lee's C23. Or C-23. C*23. What the fuck ever.


We open up with a character list behind the cover. Our cast are Corbin, leader of the Hypershock Troopers, Phalanx, Corbin's best friend, Nemesis, another Trooper that was killed by an Angelan patrol, Cronus, the Director-General of the Colony, Hemlocke, the “dark prince” of the Colony, and Medicus, a physician for the Colony. Guess what? This character list doesn't mean jack shit. Why? Because you will never even get a sense of why you should care for each of them.

Moving on, we see a great setting of fields of grass, nice structures, and what appears to be children at play...

Ah, peace.
Then something called “Dante's Hammer” burns the loving fuck out of it.

Ah, DESTRUCTION!
We cut to some odd looking creatures known as Angelans, who are then ambushed by the Colonists...wait, why the fuck are these people fighting? Hmm, maybe it will explain. A battle ensues and we are introduced to Corbin, the main character of the story. He leads his unit, the Hypershock Troopers, into battle, slaughtering all the Angelans. During this battle, Corbin shouts out demands to his fellow comrades as he engages in dialogue with a female named Nemesis. She is called this because she can't remember her name. Now, I am totally fucking lost, and at this point, I had to look to make sure I had the first issue. And I did. Well, shit. I guess I have to read on and pray that SOMETHING is explained. With the battle over, Corbin investigates an Angelan carriage and opens it to find...some...green, sticky, cocoon blob thing...? According to Corbin's sniffing, it is Royale Gel; nope, don't know what the fuck it is nor is it explained.

Mmm, goo from the womb...wait, THAT'S FUCKIN' GROSS!
Transition to The Colony, where Cronus and Hemlocke, the leaders of this place, discuss how Corbin is getting a lot of attention and could threaten their rule. I don't know why this is a threat. You will notice, this is the theme of the comic. Everyone in The Colony celebrates their victory and we get some background about Hemlocke. Apparently, he was the former leader of the Hypershock Troopers but due to a crippling illness, he had to wear special body armor to keep him alive and thus was not able to be in the field. And that is the most character development that we get in this WHOLE FIRST ISSUE. Seriously, nothing is hooking me. I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK THESE PEOPLE ARE. I AM GETTING NO INTEREST TO WANT TO READ ANY MORE OR TO BUY ANY OTHER ISSUES. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!

Hemlocke, sad...no fight no more
Winding down this piece of shit, Corbin speaks with Medicus and explains that he touched the Royale Gel, which I guess is placenta goo or some shit like that. But then we see this:


The post sex scene and just look at it! These people look disgusting! Who the fuck drew this?! Alexander Lozano. BAH! I can't find him at all on Google or Wikipedia!! These people look gross. What a stomach churning page. They are made out of metallic parts, their bodies look twisted and warped, and I swear to fucking god, their skin looks like it is melting. Blech, this makes me want to hurl.

So Nemesis explains that the Angelans killed her family, which was told at the FUCKING BEGINNING SO WHY ARE YOU JUST REPEATING YOUR DAMN SELF!? She leaves Corbin and we cut to Medicus looking sinister about Corbin and FUCK IT, who gives a shit. This comic is garbage. From what I have gathered, the Earth is destroyed and the two “peoples,” I guess, that are left are the Angelans and the Colonists. Now, I'm assuming that you have to play the CCG to understand everything that is going on, but I don't even think it exists any more so I will judge it as a comic. No explanation of what the fuck is going, little character development, and the art makes me puke in my soup. I'm sure it is good to those that played the CCG or at least interesting. But I hate comics made primarily for stuff like this. I want to, you know, HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHEN I READ SOMETHING. I was very disappointed with this book...because the cover looked awesome. To hell with this thing.

Oh, and special thanks to Kevin Daley for giving me the huge box of comics that included this. Sorry this one sucked, lol

BONUS: Here are some pictures of the ads in this comic!

1080 Snowboarding for the N64
Batman TAS coming to Cartoon Network
Batman & Robin for the PlayStation
Something called Crimson?
Back Cover: MK Annihilation...For Rent!

Monday, May 7, 2012

5 Reasons 2 Hate: The Avengers




Before I begin, I need to give some background on how I came up with this conclusion that the new Avengers movie is not good. I watched the movie Saturday night and was on the fence. Some really stupid things were in this movie but overall, I found it very entertaining. It wasn't until today, after some research(which will be detailed in one of the reasons below) that I decided that I did not like this movie very much. THERE WILL BE SPOILERS so if you haven't seen the movie, I wouldn't suggest reading this.

1. The car chase scene.

The opening of this movie had THE MOST RIDICULOUS SCENE I HAVE WATCHED IN RECENT MEMORY. Loki is back, steals the Tesseract and is escaping a S.H.I.E.L.D. Base. How does he escape? ON THE BACK OF A FUCKING SUV! What the FUCK kind of BULLSHIT IS THIS?! Loki, with the powers of a GOD, is engaged in a chase sequence in a FUCKING SUV! He rides in the back like some redneck that hunts out the back of their pick-up. FUCKING EMBARASSING SHIT. “Quick! Follow that Demi God in the back of the Hummer!” This is, by far, the DUMBEST car chase sequence I HAVE EVER SEEN. The God of Mischief is broken down to nothing more than a criminal trying to make a fast escape from a prison; save this garbage for human criminals, NOT A GOD. This was only the beginning of the film and I was already facepalming.

2. Fucking up Loki.

This film did one thing throughout the whole movie; DESTORY THE CHARACTER, LOKI. I'm not talking about his ass getting kicked in some fistacuffs; I'm talking about totally portraying a character incorrectly. Not only that, but putting him in STUPID situations(like the car chase scenes) or putting him in scenes THAT ARE FUCKING BROKEN AND POORLY CREATED. For example, Loki attacks an auction house in Germany. He gathers all of the people inside the house outside and gives them a speech in which he asks them all to kneel before him. The one thing that is wrong with this scene is HE'S GIVING THE SPEECH IN FUCKING ENGLISH AND ALL THE PEOPLE ARE GERMAN! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT HE'S SAYING?! Does the movie explain this? NO! I do not blame Tom Hiddleston on this one, his acting was fine. I blame the DUMBASS RETARDS that created this horse anus in the first place! Now, back to who they completely botched the character of Loki. Throughout this movie, Loki is working for the Chitauri who want to conquer the universe and in exchange for his help, Loki gets Earth. Pretty straight forward. Except for that fact that Loki is just their bitch and does what they want. Look, Loki is not going to just take it in the ass from anyone. He's going to double cross them eventually for his own gain. Is their a sub-plot in this movie or some piece of dialogue that expresses this? NO! He is just the Chitauri's bitch doing bitchwork. That IS NOT Loki. He's going to lie, cheat, steal, gain your trust, and then fuck you over in the endgame. He's not going to bow down and give you everything you ever wanted. There was even a scene near the end of the movie where Thor calls him out on it saying something like, “Do you think they will just give you Earth?” This is where I'm expecting Loki to detail his backstabbing scheme, BUT HE DOESN'T. HE IS JUST THEIR BITCH.

3. The Chitauri are the Skrulls....WTF?!

Yes. The Chitauri are the Skrulls. This is what pushed me off the fence to not liking this movie. The Earth is invaded by an alien force, called the Chitauri, which are NOT EXPLAINED AT ALL IN THE FILM. So aside from having an invading force that NO ONE knows about and it not detailed in the movie, I find out that the Chitauri are the Skrulls. There is an alternate comic series for the Marvel Universe called the Ultimate series in which the Skrulls are known as the Chitauri. Which no one would have ever known unless you read the Ultimate series, which I wouldn't touch with a 10 foot pole because I like my original Marvel series just the way it is. So, why does this piss me off so much to make me dislike the movie? Because I didn't see ONE GOD DAMN SUPER SKRULL. NOT A SINGLE ONE. Plus, I watched this whole movie that was packed with Skrulls invading Earth and I didn't even fucking know it. FUCK THIS MOVIE AND FUCK THE ULTIMATE SERIES!

4. This movie doesn't give a shit about Bruce Banner and The Hulk.

Seriously, I blame the movie's creators for this one. Bruce Banner felt pushed aside this whole film. Now, Mark Ruffalo did a fine job, which I think we were all skeptical on. But with everything that Banner was, this film brushed it off. Yes, everyone is nervous around him because of the Hulk, don't make him angry, etc. But that's ALL THEY FOCUSED ON. Just some guy that turns into the Hulk when you make him mad. Not the brilliant mind that he is. This movie insults me when it came to Bruce Banner. It's as if they said, “Yeah, Banner doesn't matter. We can get anyone to play as him because people just want to see The Hulk instead.” Fucking assholes. Now, The Hulk. His stuff was pretty cool except for one little thing. Half way through the movie, The Hulk runs wild throughout the helicarrier. Uncontrollable and untamed, he causes havoc; classic Hulk. Then The Hulk fights in the ending battle and he's taking orders from Captain America....? He's not attacking everything, he's attacking the enemy.....and saves Iron Man's life......WHY IS THE HULK ALL OF A SUDDEN CONTROLLABLE?! DID BANNER JUST FIGURE IT OUT IN THE LAST HOUR? DOES THE MOVIE EXPLAIN? NO! OF COURSE, IT DOES NOT EXPLAIN! FUUUUUUUUUUUCK!

5. Maria Hill is just pushed aside.

Maria Hill, second in command. You wouldn't know that based on watching this film. She has little dialogue and her only main action scene IS CHASING LOKI IN THE FUCKING CHASE SEQEUNCE! Maria Hill is a powerful, intelligent, awesome soldier. Not some lackey. She is more like Nick Fury's secretary than his number two. All she does in the film is follow everyone around with her arms behind her back like random, generic drone you see in the background of war films. She does nothing that is badass, does nothing important; they probably just put her in this movie because the heard that Nick Fury had someone name Maria Hill working as a part of S.H.I.E.L.D. For fuck's sake, read a god damn comic movie people!

This movie makes no sense. Characters in this movie are ruined. You get to the point where you have to ask yourself, should this movie have even been made?

Thursday, May 3, 2012

5 Reasons 2 Hate: Any Good Movie


This article is going to look into the topic of “Good Movies.” You may find it insulting, bogus and hypocritical. With that said, ENJOY!


1. The people that like them....ok, the Internet.

Don't you just hate it when some tells you about a good movie you've never heard of and then you are ridiculed because you have never seen it? I do. Then again, I do it to people too. But it's annoying as fuck receiving it on the other end. “Hey did you see this movie that was totally underground that only 5 people saw? No? YOU HAVE WASTED YOUR LIFE!” I mean, seriously, do I need to see some movie that won an independent film award in a country I never knew existed? Do these people think they are some type of never before seen intellect because of some movie that had that one certain director that they think is the best? Am I one of these people because when someone says, “Transformers was a good movie” and then I reply and say, “No. The Godfather was a GOOD movie.” I don't know. But if I get one more person telling me about how some movie in 1972 that starred some actor no one knows based on a book no one has read, I may loose my senses. The fact that anybody is a movie nut and knows who wrote what screenplay or who starred in what role, does not make them better than someone else. The fact that you have knowledge about it is awesome and if you share it in an informative and fun way, it is very enjoyable. But any brain dead retard that works at fucking McDonald's can know every thing about a certain movie, genre, actor, or whatever. If you think your cinema knowledge makes you far more superior than someone else, take a look at your life and compare it to those actors and actresses you worship. See how you're looking up from the shit filled toilet? What's that POV like? The worst part about this is I HAVE DONE THIS MYSELF. I think most people into movies do. Why is that? I blame the internet. One popular website comes out with reviews and most people base their opinions of what they say...like this website. Which isn't a bad thing, if you really feel the same way. Though I think the Internet is about 90% trolls, myself included, and we just think it is fun to hate things. So you like movies? Great. That doesn't mean I want to fuckin' hear about it as if I should be automatically be interested in it. If I want to know, I will go to IMDB.

2. IMDB

Fuck this website. Everything I want to know about an actor, movie, director, etc. No work to put into it at all. Yet I visit it frequently cause sometimes you just want to know useless shit about people you will never meet. Why do the work of getting the movie out of the ol' VHS box and putting it in the VCR to see the credits so you know who is in the movie? IMDB solves all those problems. In fact, you can memorize all the information you want and then people will think you know EVERYTHING about films. Because you read it off a website. You did NOTHING to earn the knowledge. Yet, people go this site constantly, once again, MYSELF INCLUDED, and because we read these facts and go tell people about them, we think that we know something about the universe that they don't. Like it's important or something. Because all my friends needed to know that Peter Cullen, the voice of Optimus Prime in the Transformers cartoon, also did voice work for Rainbow Brite and My Little Ponies(Yes, I actually did this). Why the FUCK did I think they needed to know that?! I guess I will have to refer myself back to Reason #1.

3. What is a good movie?

Everyone has their opinion on what a good movie is. But does that make the movie something great? Some people can take the film Independence Day and say it's a good movie. Others think it is trash. So how do we decide? Is any movie technically good or bad if everyone has their own negative and positive opinion about it? The only way to determine is based on your own thoughts on it. But still, that doesn't mean the film itself is good. You can see how totally fucking annoying this is knowing that every film ever made isn't good or bad, it is left in purgatory and people speculate the quality of it. There is no beaming voice of judgment that makes our brains automatically know. Thus, no movie is good, no movie is bad, they are just, movies. Pretty depressing when you think about it that way, huh?

4. Hipsters and cult followings.

Have you ever seen a movie that you feel sucks but there is some underground cry across the Internet land that rave about how great it is? Fuckin' hipsters. They to even think the movie sucks but they know it will be the cool thing to like it because they think everyone will hate it. But it back fires and then these shitty movies become known as classics that everyone should see. Take Evil Dead for instance. Many people like the Evil Dead movies; I myself enjoy them. But when you take a real close look at them, are they great movies that the world should see? NO. Would I compare it to say The Godfather or the Maltese Falcon? No. They don't compare the slightest. But a bunch of hipsters form a huge following on a certain movie because it's cool to like something that is the opposite of mainstream, and then we are forced to accept that it is a good movie in public opinion. Where the fuck do these people get off?

5. THEY ARE NOT MADE ANY MORE!