TORT - Episode 41 - "Deck the Halls"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss Christmas past

TORT - Episode 40 - "Put'em in a Body Bag"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss The Karate Kid movie

Comic Book Recommendations - Batman - Part 3

Check out Part 3 of my Comic Book recommendations for Batman

TORT - Episode 39 - "It Takes Two To Shenmue"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss DCC 2014 and Shenmue

TORT - Episode 38 - Iron Man Origins: The Dark World

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss Batman Arkham Origins, Thor the Dark World and Iron Man 3

5 Reasons 2 Hate: Batman Arkham Origins

Don't say I didn't tell ya so

TORT - Episode 37 - "JP3, PS4, USF4"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss Jurassic Part 3, PS4 and Ultra Street Fighter 4

Comic Book Recommendations - Batman - Part 2

Check out Part 2 of my Comic Book recommendations for Batman

TORT - Episode 36 - "Mr. DNA's Betrayal"

Check out the latest ep of TORT where we discuss The Lost World and Ultra Street Fighter 4

Monday, June 25, 2012

5 Reasons 2 Hate: The Empire Strikes Back

I love this movie. My favorite Star Wars film hands down. So why would I choose this as a topic for 5R2H? Well, these articles pretty much criticize a lot of things and why should I be any exception? I have no problem bashing something I like because I'm not a fraudulent bitch like some people. So, consider this 5R2H more like “If I had to choose 5R2H.” It's time to turn the fanboy rage up to 11, here are 5 Reasons 2 Hate The Empire Strikes Back.

1. Mynocks.

These stupid fuckers. Honestly, Mynocks are a waste of fucking time. “Oh, they suck the energy out of ships!” They suck the shit out of my asshole; just a filler monster to waste screen time. Stupid, green, booger-like suction cups; yes, such amazing puppets. So creative. Please. Know what the worse part about Mynocks are? Harrison Ford talks about Mynocks in the fucking movie. Yeah, Han Solo is the one that wastes his breath explaining what they are. The fucking smuggler is more verse in Mynocks, these useless and idiotic creatures, than anyone else on the Falcon. Seriously, Harrison Ford just saying the word Mynock makes my ears bleed and brings an immediate facepalm.

2. Luke's training.

Dude, this lasted like, 4 or 5 days. There is no time relativity between this scene and the scenes on Bespin. He runs around, does a flip, balances upside down while lifting some rocks, and then, he has to leave. Yoda was fucking right about him not being ready. But I think he should have been more blunt about it: “Um, Luke. It hasn't even been a week, bro.” Why would Luke even think he was ready? “I have to go save my friends!” With what? Super-citizen powers? This would have been better if the viewer could actually get reference of time going by. But instead, like the fanboys that we are, we just ride the Lucas dick and ignore the fact that Luke learns the force in a work week. Fuck, I would love that job.

3. Vader's leadership.

Ok, I understand that Vader leads with fear and power, but c'mon. The Vader way of leading a Star Destroyer is MurderDeathKill your officers and just promote the dude standing next them.

Vader: “You pulled out of hyperspace to soon and you've disappointed me for the last there! Standing next to him conveniently! You were all like, 'don't get out of hyperspace too soon' and shit. You know how to head a starship, right?”

Random Dude: “Uh, not really, I just took orders for the guy you just killed and-”

Vader: “That's fucking good enough. Fail me and meet the same fate! Kthxdai”

And all those troopers on the ship do what this fucking guy says! Even though Vader be strong with the darkside, all those guys can find SOME WAY to get rid of his goosestepping ass. How about this? Lord Vader's leaving on his shuttle. SHOOT IT OUT OF THE FUCKING SKY! Put Vader on a pirate ship and mutiny would happen in the first 5 minutes of his command. For shit's sake, the imperial officers are pussies. So then, is it Vader's leadership I should be complaining about or the officers that have no balls.......?

4. The plight of Luke's escape.

Luke falling from Vader and sliding into the tube; I'm cool with. He used the force, guided himself, blah blah blah, that's fine. It's when he is done sliding down the tube and stops on the one piece of Bespin pipe that dumps random shit out of the city. Dear fucking Jesus, what the hell was the whole point of that? He had to go tube sliding just to get dumped out so he could hang from a fucking shitty TV antenna? How about, instead of falling through tubes, he just falls straight down, out of the city, then to the antenna? Just cut out the Bespin amusement park scene and go straight to hanging out under the city. And what the FUCK is the point of tubes opening up and dumping shit? Sure, one can argue that it detects matter that is not supposed to be there but where the fuck does it go? This is STAR WARS PEOPLE! There's not some matter disintegrater that can zap this shit?! High technology my hairy ass; lets just dump it and let space deal with it. Bespin is “cloud city,” it's “take our garbage everyone else; why? Because fuck you, that's why, city.” Empty Colt 45 cans and bottles must be plaguing the atmosphere!

5. The Snowtroopers and the big ass gun.

Nuff said. Or pictured. Whatever.

Honestly, this is one of the best movies I have ever seen and I love it to death. But there's nothing wrong with poking fun at something as popular as Star Wars or myself for liking it. So, take the anthrax out of the envelopes you're going to mail me, take your heart medicine and remember this was just a joke.

Or fuck off.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Review: Batman/Green Arrow: The Poison Tomorrow

DC Comics
Written by, Dennis O'Neil
Illustrated by, Michael Netzer

Nothing is more disappointing than a bad Batman comic. The Poison Tomorrow is a shining example of this fact. Not only does Batman get to be shown in this shitfuck of a comic, but the Green Arrow is dragged down with him. Writer Dennis O'Neil and illustrator Michael Netzer are pretty well known and have done lots of work in both Marvel and DC. Netzer even drew the first two comics to the Neil Gaiman's Lady Justice. But I think there work falls WAY short on this one. Before I continue, I don't really know much about the Green Arrow. I hope this comic doesn't display everything about him because he is just a moron in this thing. So, lets unwrap this turd.

We open in a warehouse where some crazy old man is destroying crates with a fireman's ax. Annnnd, Batman is in the first panel stating that he knows the old dude as Dr. Parsons...geez, no intro? No build up? Just jump right in. Doesn't really give much for the setting if we don't get any background info, which is, you know, what you typically see in a comic book. Suddenly, the Green Arrow shows up demanding Batman hand over Parsons because he has a disease. GA tells how Parsons went crazy in a super market and bite his wife, Dinah(the Black Canary), and now she is infected. They hop in the Batmobile and head to a hospital. Parsons then beings to mutter and we see a two page spread of Poison Ivy coercing the doctor which leads us to believe that it starts with her. The weird thing is, I'm not sure if Parsons mumbling is telling the story to the reader and our heroes, or just the readers? It's fucking confusing and not really thought out.

Our heroes
We then cut to a facility where Ivy is there with a businessman named Mr. Fenn. Ivy shows Fenn an infected person, Jason, and injects him with the cure. They then talk about Parsons and his whereabouts, and I'm already bored since I already KNOW what happened to Parsons. I need the villains of this book going over what I just read as some sort of bullshit intro to the evil in this comic. Seriously, these 3-4 pages are a WASTE OF TIME. We then see Fenn getting picked up by a limo and his three children are inside. While he tells them that they will go for ice cream, he talks on a phone discussing the “final termination” of an employee. He's talking about killing someone in front of his kids! Now I'm intrigued by this villain, because this is pure fucking evil. Plus, it is shocking to see the bad guy's family, which is something you do not see enough in comics, movies, etc.

Corporate sleaze have families too 
A quick page of Batman and GA deciding to investigate Parsons apartment and we cut back to Fenn and Ivy detailing their plan, after they fuck. It opens with Ivy showing that Jason was cured and then Fenn and Ivy flirt and then fuck. Yeah, fucking Poison Ivy is a great idea. Though I will comment that she is pretty damn sexy in this comic. Ivy and Fenn then go over their diabolical plan. Fenn is going to infect baby food with a disease and then sell the cure for $50,000 a pop. Pretty basic and evil.

They say red heads are trouble
Then we go to the first part where I think GA is misrepresented. Batman and GA climb up the apartment building where Parsons lived and GA is BITCHING ABOUT CLIMBING. Really?! I mean, fucking really?! You are a god damn super hero! He bitches about not taking the elevator. WHAT FUCKING SUPER HERO GOES THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR? Is GA this fucking stupid and lazy?! Ugh. So the two get to the apartment and Fenn's goons are clearing it out. The heroes fuck'em up and Batman finds the company that are on their suits. And I just want to stop and comment on one thing: why the FUCK does Batman's cowl/cape change so much in this comic?! At first, it arcs and points up like the Bat insignia. Then it's calm and over the shoulders. What was the artist doing? It's so lazy, like he fucking forgot how he drew the damn cowl to begin. Really annoying.

Yes, these two images are drawn by the same artist IN THE SAME COMIC
Moving on, we find out that Jason, the supposed cured person, was just faking his illness and is in fact, immune to the disease. Ivy and Jason talk about how they will be the “blessed” few that remain after the disease spreads. Fenn and his children then visit Ivy to introduce each other. They are not affected due to the vaccine. Once again, nothing important displayed here, just more FUCKING filler. There's way too much of that crap in this. He tells Ivy that his family is going on vacation and switches out some baby food crates from a truck for the poisoned ones. Segway to Batman discovering where they need to go. Batman describes that a facility in Appleville was shut down due to contagions and that Fenn was the owner. Ok, part two to my why is GA an idiot theory. Batman does all the damn work. He finds all the facts, he links them together and he drives them around. GA DOES NOTHING. He sits there and gets educated like an amateur. If he did not run into Batman, he would have gotten NOWHERE with his search for Parsons and his wife would be dead. Why is GA being displayed as a fucking moron?!

GA: So what you're saying is you will do all the work? Batman: I hate you.
A perfect example is when they arrive at the facility. They beat up some goons and Batman realizes that baby food must be poisoned, because of the truck they drove by on their way, the tire marks, and the crates left over. But the whole damn time, GA is arguing with him that they shouldn't stop the truck, they should get Ivy. Batman says that hundreds matter more than one but GA refuses to join him. Ok, I understand if he struggling because he wants to save his wife, but basically GA in this comic is lazy, a completely dumbass and now, a coward. I don't believe that this is an accurate portrayal of GA, but if it is, then he is one of the worst DC heroes EVER. GA puts on a protective suit and breaks into the facility while Batman chases down the semi carrying the baby food. The semi tries to run Batman off the road and both go over a bridge. Back to the facility where Jason finds GA and they get into a fight. GA gets his ass kicked because the suit limits his actions. But GA risks disease to get his answers, tosses his protective suit, and beats the crap out of Jason. I will give GA credit here, this was ballsy.

Man up time
Poison Ivy attempts to seduce GA but he refuses. He demands Ivy for the cure and she reveals that this is no cure. Her plan was to infect the world and only those with a natural immunity will remain and rebuild the world. We then get an odd sequence cutting to Batman who survived the crash, and then on of the DUMBEST lines appears:

He hopes the drivers survived, but be doubts it.
I hate this line. It's so stupid. He hopes they survived, like we need a reminder that Batman is the good guy? Ivy continues to reveal her sick plan and we keep cutting back to Fenn flying in a helicopter, telling his kids that they will see a fireworks show. He also tells them that he doesn't trust Ivy and that's why he's going to do what he has to. This is so weird. And judging by the children's default faces, THEY DON'T GIVE A FUCK. The helicopter flies over the facility and the baby food crates that were left there blow up and GA and Ivy are taken by the flames. Batman arrives on the scene and dukes it out with Jason. Then we get this odd panel of art:

This took me awhile to figure out what was going on. He is turning and punching with the arm he was laying on. How about drawing some lines to indicate this, or, DRAW SOMETHING ELSE. Damn, this seems soooo lazy. GA recovers in the hospital and finds out that the cure was in the bone marrow of Jason, which relates ALL the way back to the beginning during Parsons mumblings...yeah, I don't give a shit either. GA and Dinah are healed and we close the comic with Batman encountering Fenn, telling him that he and his children are infected and that those carrying the cure are dead. Wow, that's fucked up. Fuck the kids I guess.

All smiles and time to die
This comic is bullshit. Green Arrow is a fucking idiot and it would have been better if he wasn't even in this comic to begin with. Batman doesn't need an additional character as an excuse to hunt down Ivy or to solve a case. The story was boring, and not really anything new. The art was sub-par. The writing was sub-par. It makes me think that they just created this to make some quick cash. Avoid this pile of shit, it is not worth it.

Seth Killian Leaving Capcom

I normally don't post news stuff like this, but this just makes me sad. Seth Killian just announced on that we will be leaving Capcom.

Click the jump for more info:

This makes me sad and he has some strong words on his post. Seth Killian was a big part of my interest in the Fighting Game Community and has helped FGC become really strong through events like EVO. When I first really got into fighting games, Street Fighter 4, he was one of the identifiable figures I looked to for information. Breaks my heart to see him go; he will be missed.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Review: Batman Gothic

DC Comics
Written by, Grant Morrison
Illustrated by, Klaus Janson

Batman Gothic is a collection of the Legend of the Dark Knight series(6-10) and boy, was it really good. If you're a Batman fan, you've probably already read this or heard something about it. Well, I just got done reading it for the first time and it blew me away; a real page turner. It was written by Grant Morrison, who everyone probably knows of by now. Illustrations were done by Klaus Janson who has drawn many comics in the DC and Marvel universe. This book also has an introduction by F. Paul Wilson, the author of a bestseller called The Tomb...which I have never read or heard of. Just some quick, personal back story: I think I have read like 6 actual novels in my entire. So, obviously for information regarding an author, I default to Wikipedia. I'll start this review by trying to summarize Wilson's introduction for his words had me sucked in immediately. Lets take a look into Batman Gothic.

Wilson's intro starts with descriptions of the “soul.” He explains how it is linked with one's own integrity and asks the reader what they would do with their soul. Hold on to it or sell it, and if it was sold, how would one go about taking it back. Immediately I started thinking about this. I don't even think about things like souls nor am I a spiritual person, but Wilson's words actually started making me think how valuable I hold a soul. That's pretty impressive if you ask me. He then continues to explain the term Gothic, the architecture obviously, but also the mood it possesses. Wilson details Morrison's inspiration for writing this comic, using ideas from the German legend Faust, the noir movie M, and more...that I have no frame of reference to. I'm starting to think this may not be a great review, but I liked the book so much, I have to talk about it. I may not be able to link source material used because I am totally uneducated in these books and subjects, but I am educated in Batman. So, I'll do the best I can with this.

We open up with a couple of gangsters beating the living hell out of some poor schmuck. During their onslaught, some music plays and a goon goes to check it out. His comrade notices that his buddy hasn't returned and investigates. He finds a record player playing the English nursery rhyme, Oranges and Lemons, which was a singing game that refers to church bells. A note is pinned which is a line from the poem, The Rime of the Ancient Mariner: Like one that on a lonesome road, doth walk in fear and dread...which was also used in Mary Shelly's Frankenstein. Scenes like this happen throughout the whole book when someone dies as Morrison used plenty of source material that coincides with each person's death. A man then appears behind the gangster and screams of pain ensue. The unknown person then sets the bullied victim on fire.

Evil opens our story
The next pages show a dream Bruce Wayne has that ends with his father's mouth stitched. Wayne awakens and talks to Alfred about having the same nightmare. Cut to another gangster, that is trying to sneak out of a hotel with a dude....dressed like a woman, gets another card with a poem. The two enter an elevator and are dropped to their deaths. This is forming a pattern of old gangsters, seemingly, getting their just desserts. We cut to a gangster named Mr. Ottavio that is getting a call from a friend and gangster, Jack Kane. Kane describes that someone named Mr. Whisper has returned and is killing everyone. Ottavio explains that Whisper should be dead, but before they can continue, Kane is murdered and a voice on the other end says that he is coming for them all. This is creepy, and very dark. I'm so interested in how Batman is involved and why these gangsters are dropping like flies. The dark illustrations and evil mood kept me wanting more.

Some scary shit
The following pages are a combination of three things going on at the same time. One has Batman preventing an alley murder. Batman tells the criminals some weird shit, that this city is Hell and they are part of the reason why. Then there are scenes will a gangster attending Don Giovanni, receiving a poem, while an stranger asks an usher to deliver a package to him. Then we cut to a girl coming off a bus and being hassled by some thugs, but one look from her and they cower. Then, the gangster opens the “gift” and we see a scene of the opera house exploding. This collection of events was somewhat bizarre, but they w ere played out as if it was in a movie. It's hard for comic to pull that off(I don't know if that was the intention) in my opinion, but it's as if I can play it out in my head, like a movie. We segway to the last gangsters, Ottavio and Morgenstern, as they talk more about Mr. Whisper and that their numbers are up. In an act of desperation, they attempt to attract Batman. And they use something I don't I have seen in a Batman comic. An upside down Batsignal they put into the sky. Batman appears and they plead for his help. He denies and uses my favorite line in the whole book:

A scene appears with the girl from before that got off the bus, being hassled out of Gotham Cathedral. Apparently, this girl is a nun that is confused with a crazy person. Her scenes throughout the entire book seem useless until the end, so I won't even bring her up again until we come full circle. Continuing on, Bruce has another dream with his father trying to tell him something. The only thing he can get out of it is a message written saying “Unlock the Rose.” When Wayne awakes, he tells Alfred a story from his childhood that he has remembered. He went to a private school that had a great reputation on the outside, but was home to bullies that picked on the weak. Bruce had a friend that got picked on the most, and said that one day he stopped coming to class. Wayne investigated and was caught by a feared teacher, Mr. Winchester, a man the children said was evil and that he did not cast a shadow. Winchester brought Wayne into his office and began to hit him with a stick as he was bent over his desk. Bruce saw two things; one, the head of his dead friend IN THE TRASH BIN and that Mr. Winchester had no shadow. This is CREEPY. I had to put the book down it freaked me out so much. The story telling is so good in this book; Morrison impresses me so much throughout the whole comic.

Cut to Ottavio, who is shitting himself in his penthouse, when Mr. Whisper finally shows up. Ottavio and his goons unload on Whisper and the man still stands. Batman crashes onto the scene and gives chase to the villain. Ottavio then realizes that his henchmen was poisoned from wine they drank earlier and Ottavio falls victim to the same fate. Batman faces off against Whisper and finds out that his attacks are useless against this man. Whisper hits Batman off the balcony, but thanks to his cape getting caught, he lives. Attempting to recapture Winchester, Batman finds him on the same balcony and says that he knows Batman. He then falls off the building into the street. This villain is very tough. He ignores pain and it seems like he can not die. The suspense of seeing if Batman can prevent killings and wondering what he can do to topple this opponent had me gripping the pages. It's pretty rare when I'm asking myself so many questions about a character's intentions. You want to know why Mr. Whisper is evil. You want to know why he is doing what he is doing. Shit, everything is so damn interesting in this book!

Winchester is Mr. Whisper
Batman retreats to the Batcave, and tells Alfred that Mr. Whisper is Winchester. He goes to his old private school to retrieve an old recording Winchester made. Back to the Batcave where Batman examines the recording and determines that he must go to Lake Dess in Austria. Cut to some quick pages explaining that Ottavio's death wasn't at the hands of Whisper but his gangster pal, Morgenstern, in an attempt to own the Gotham underworld. Batman arrives at a monastery in Austria in which the Abbott tells a story of a man named Manfred, that was a great leader in the church 300 years ago. He was swayed by pride to try and restore another man's faith that was torn asunder by sins. Manfred gave into the sins and his followers killed and tortured and believed that by committing horrible sins would lead to salvation. During this dark time, Manfred contracted the Plague, and in return for not dying, he sold his soul to the devil for the cure and 300 additional years of life. After this, the Dess River broke through the land and drowned the monastery and all the sinners. It was told that Manfred escaped on a boat with his diseased comrades. This story was AMAZING! I don't know how much truth there was, or is Morrison took it straight from another context, but it is so well written, that I could BELIEVE that it actually happened. Did I mention how kick ass the writing was?

Manfred sells his soul
Batman explores the sunken monastery and finds a rose, and based on his dream, examined it and found an old drawing of a cathedral. He then makes his way back to Gotham. He makes his way to the home of Morgenstern where he explains that he knows he killed Ottavio. Batman then inquires about Mr. Whisper and we are then exposed to another story. Basically, Ottavio, Morgenstern, the Kane brothers, a bunch of young gangsters trying to make it big, were held back from making their way by a child killer. Since so many cops were on the streets, the gangsters to it upon themselves to find the killer and get him out of the way. They found Mr. Whisper. They shoot him through a window and he falls out, but lives. Then one of the Kane brothers starts hacking at him with an axe and Morgenstern explains that Whisper just kept forming back together. So they tied him to an anchor and dropped him in the sea. Morgenstern tells Batman that there will be a group meeting at a Chemical factory and he wants his help. But Batman is no where to be found. Mr. Whisper is one of the creepiest villains I have read in a Batman comic. A mass murderer, selling his soul to the devil, living through many attempted attacks; it brings something different to Batman that I have not experienced. And, once again, I am left eagerly wanting to know the conclusion.

Back at his home, Batman tells Alfred the story of when he escaped the private school and his father came. His father tore into Winchester and Bruce was taken out of the school. And then the weird part of the story is this: Bruce is so happy to be home, as well as his parents, that they decide to celebrate. By going and seeing a movie, implying that the time Bruce got back, was the night of his parents movie. A very unexpected twist that brings more importance to Batman in this comic. 

Batman also explains that the cathedral drawing he found in Austria is almost the exact replica of Gotham Cathedral. Batman makes his way to the chemical factory to find Morgenstern and all with him dead and hanging, which leads to another conflict with Mr. Whisper. Once again, Batman's attempts are faulted by Whisper's lack of fear and is subdued. On thing I really like about this scene is the way it is drawn and the colors that were used. Big towering setting with a blood red background; very effective and helped the mood just reek of death.

Batman is captured and Whisper reveals that he knew him to be Bruce Wayne. Whisper explains more of how he escaped the monastery with the dead bodies of his followers, still infected with the Plague. He experimented with them to make a horrible Plague that would kill millions. He continues to explain that his study of Gothic architecture helped him build a cathedral that focuses energy. The idea being, that if could get millions of souls, he can present them to the Devil and exchange them for his own soul back. He laid his disease in Gotham Cathedral and waited for enough people to live in the city. He then tells Batman that he likes him and leaves him to die in a very, well, stupid way; reminds me of a Bond villain. Honestly, the story was great but the way he just leaves Batman to die, is terrible. The candle burns the rope, a balloon is popped, the shoe hits the ball and then MOUSE TRAP! Definitely the worse part of the comic.

Whisper thinks the day is his as we are rejoined with, what the fuck do I call her, I don't know, “bus girl” from earlier. Batman hits the scene, after his EASY ASS ESCAPE, and we see the final conflict between our hero and Whisper. Batman fights off Whisper in a subway tunnel and thwarts his plan, preventing Gotham from being infected by the Plague. We end by finding out that bus girl is the Devil and she takes Whisper down to Hell.

This comic was fucking great! It has been a long time since something like this has sucked me in and never let me go. Grant Morrison's writing was excellent and his reference to outside content got me interested in researching(trust me, that's really hard for me to do). You really get a feel for everything, the conflict, the surroundings, the history, everything. Janson's illustrations were really gloomy and fit the mood of Gothic very well. I highly recommend this book. Seriously, give it a read and get blown away.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

5 Reasons 2 Hate: Summer

1. Crazy people.

All the god damn crazies come out during this season. Seriously, I think the heat drives people insane. Only during the Summer do I get a one-eyed crackhead that is dragging a trash can down the street come up to me while I'm on my porch and start babbling incoherently. I guess all the drugged up, psychotic folks think because it is warm outside and they see me smoking a damn cigarette in front of my house that it's a fucking invitation to bum a smoke off me or tell me about addicted to coke their girlfriends are. Or when I come home from to take my lunch from work, two strangers are just sitting on my porch chairs.

I ask them, “Can I help you?”
they reply, “We're just taking a break.”
(Taking a fucking break from what?! Boredom? Unemployment??)

And Summer is great? Yeah, I like my town cluttered with wandering hobos that have been left out in the sun so long that their stink rapes my senses. People just go fucking nuts when it is hot outside. Just the other day, my neighbor had a brick thrown through his window. It's as if people can't cope with the increase in temperature that it forces them to cause chaos. I can't even walk home after getting shitfaced at a friend's house and feel safe because the night's are not cold and too many drug dealers or cokeheads are stumbling around. Then, like some act of a god damn homing device, they lock on to me and want to talk to me and I hear their whole life story. Fuck Summer. Makes people go batshit crazy.

2. I'm an adult.

What is so great about Summer in my adult life? When I was a child, that meant no school for 3 months. Now, I don't teach third grade public school so Summer for me means, nothing. I keep working. How can you really enjoy Summer as an adult? As if you need a fucking season as an excuse to do something fun. Fuck that. YOU ARE AN ADULT. YOU CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, WHEN YOU WANT. Seriously, some people act like they need to wait for July or August to go on vacation. Why? So you enjoy high gas prices while you travel across the country? So plane tickets will be more expensive? I honestly don't get it. There's not even any good Sports playing, unless you are into Baseball, which I am not. Summer is just a long period of time you suffer through until football season starts in the Fall. And this Summer blows cow dick most of all, because all the movies I've seen so far SUCK(The Avengers and Prometheus). Summer may have been a special childhood memory but as an adult, you just suck it up and keep going to your 9 to 5. And you know what? I'm ok with that.

3. The fucking heat.

I HATE THE GOD DAMN HEAT. I despise the hell out of it. Just doing every day normal things like working, or watching TV and I feel the flowing river of sweat drip down my body and into my crack, forming the most annoying thing ever; swamp ass. WHAT THE HELL IS SO FUCKING ENJOYABLE ABOUT SWAMP ASS?! Then you add humidity; FUUUUUCK, you can't even breathe. So, the heat suffocates you and turns your crotch into an uncomfortable environment. Last week, my swamp cooler had a busted pump and earlier this week, my ceiling fan FELL THROUGH MY CEILING. Yeah, good luck trying to sleep in a heat death trap with NOTHING TO COOL YOU. And now because it's so damn hot, beer makers start releasing their “Summer Ales” which are like 3.0% ALC per volume, so I'm basically drinking fucking water. I honestly have to drink like 10 of these things to get a fucking buzz. Totally lame.

4. People that love Summer and the heat.

I don't understand the enjoyment people take from Summer and heat. “Well, it's nice outside!” IT'S 95 DEGREES. THAT IS NOT ENJOYABLE. I guess now that the temperature is so high, we can go outside and watch our skin cook. I guess sitting in pools of sweat and body dirt is the key to happiness. I don't fucking get it. People saying that the heat feels good, the sun is out, lets go to the park and have our blood drawn from mosquitoes! Give me a damn break. There is nothing special about Summer. You are using it as an excuse because you're too damn lazy to get up at any other time during the year. This is like I stated earlier. I don't understand how a brain can work like that. Like some trigger telling them to go outside and expose themselves to cancerous rays and dehydration. I wish it snowed all year long so these people would be miserable. Winter is coming, god damn it.

5. It's not Fall or Winter.

If you haven't pieced it together, I love the cold. So my favorite seasons are Fall and Winter. Low temperatures, cool days, more cloud cover, less sun, it is the shit. What else happens during this time of year? Football, mother fucker. The best damn sport ever created. The best holidays are even during these seasons; Thanksgiving and Christmas. Summer doesn't have anything on these parts of the year. If it gets too cold, just put on more clothes, grab a blanket, etc. In Summer, you pretty much have to strip down to unattractive attires and walk around with a fucking hose cooling yourself constantly. The cold can be fought better than the heat. Hell, I love drinking when it's cold instead of when it is hot. NO ONE IS OUTSIDE, it's like you're free to do whatever. Not like Summer where everyone junkie and their baby's mama is out trying to score some dope. Nope, they're tucked away inside their meth labs or went South. No crazy people, no hobos asking for money, no one. It's the most peaceful time of the year if you ask me. Stop enjoying the heat and move to the cold. Fuck Summer and fuck this time of year. I hope all you sun loving assholes pass out from dehydration.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Geek Juice Radio: Episodes 23 & 24

Totally forgot to post these:

Episodes 23 & 24 are now available to download/listen.  Click the link below to download/listen and remember you can always listen to Geek Juice Radio at

Episode 23 - Click to Download/Listen
Discussions about what is currently wrong with the comic book industry.
Featuring Kevin Daley, Charley McMullen, Alex Jowski, Tom Badguy and special guest Josh Hadley.

Episode 24 - Click to Download/Listen
Discussions about the newly announced Elder Scrolls MMO and the epic fantasy genre.
Featuring Kevin Daley, Alex Jowski, Tom Badguy and special guest Scorpius Jones.

Needing Techinical Assistance and Update

So, everything is transitioning smoothly. Just working out some technical stuff but I have run into a snag regarding the Blogger Reader/Dashboard. When I do a new post, it is not uploading to the Blogger Reader/Dashboard and all my old posts are not correcting to the new domain, but instead, are linking to the old one.

If anyone has any solutions, please, hit me up!

EDIT: I think I may have found a solution, if anyone can confirm this with me. I redirected the feed to another source. If it works, please, let me know. If not, trying unfollowing me then refollowing me and see if that works.

EDIT2: I got a confirmation that the Blogger Feed/Reader/Dashboard WHATEVER, is working correctly now. If anyone is having any issues, please let me know!!

As far as what is in store for the site, I have a 2 videos pending(a comedy piece and a new BTYB) to post and some other great articles. I'm also in the works of creating a brand new podcast and a possibly co-starring in a new video series. But I'm going to try and get this stuff fixed first, before I post any content.

Oh yeah, FYI, I hate doing posts like this, so I apologize.

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

New Domain

Tom Badguy Strikes Back is no more!

Say hello to!

And on a side update, it seems this transfer has deleted all my comments.........?