I want to make something crystal
fucking clear before I get into this. I hate all the current gen
consoles. Xbox 360, PS3. the Wii, and the Wii-U. I never got the
feeling I got from say the SNES or PS1. Please keep that in mind
before you start sending the hate mail. But above all, I hate
Nintendo the most. And I know I have some online buddies that are
super, die hard Nintendo fans, which is fine. I'm just left with the
eternal sting that is the betrayal of Nintendo.
1. It just ain't what it used to be.
Nintendo was the shit in my childhood.
To get this out of the way, Nintendo was always far superior to SEGA.
Remember the Super Nintendo? That thing blew my god damn mind. The
game selection was so large and they were so many good games for that
console. Nintendo was always the top dog with anything that had to do
with console video games. Then it faded away. When the N64 and the
PS1 came out, I then started to see something I never saw before. The
PS1 was making real games. The wave of the future was PlayStation.
For the first time in my life, I liked a console more than a Nintendo
console. “Why is that?” I thought. Then the Gamecube came out. An
insufficient console. Insufficient game selection. Nintendo died the
day the Gamecube came out. What the fuck was so special about this
thing? It was behind everything else. Aside from Metroid, no other
game was worth getting. This is where you start seeing the changes.
More off line multi-player games start becoming popular for Nintendo,
like Smash Bros, Mario Party, etc. Then remakes of other games like
Resident Evil. Then classic like Legend of Zelda has some cel-shaded
look that is unappealing. I don't recall one sole, original title,
made just for the Gamecube that would be considered “one of the
greatest games ever.” It's all party games and remakes of other
games THAT I ALREADY FUCKING PLAYED ON BETTER CONSOLES for kids. THEN
the Wii came out and everything died. Nintendo used to mean something
back in the day: the setting bar for console gaming. Now, it's just a
hipster tool used to appeal children and families. They are not
leading in anything. They are far behind. They can't compete any more
so they have to make gimmicks for their consoles in order to appear
fresh and interesting. And how people get sucked into this shit EVERY
TIME THEY RELEASE A NEW FUCKING CRAPPY CUNT CONSOLE, is beyond me.
News flash people: Super Metroid for the SNES is better than Other M.
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past for the SNES is better than
Twilight Princess and Windwaker. Super Mario Bros. 3 for the NES is
better than Mario 64, Mario Sunshine, Mario Galaxy; pretty much ANY
MARIO GAME AFTER SUPER MARIO WORLD. Which leads me to my next
point...
2. New Nintendo classics are just
terrible.
There are game staples in Nintendo's
history. Mario, Metroid and Zelda. Allow me a moment to give some
praise: Metroid Prime, awesome. Zelda 64, awesome. Ok, now that that
is out of the way, lets take a look at how some of the most classic
characters in video game history are being ruined. First off, these
stupid, absolutely SOULLESS “New” Super Mario Bros games. I'm
assuming they were trying to captured the NES days of Mario and think
that by making an identical game, people will think it's good. Nope.
It's just something quickly thrown together to make money. Nothing in
it is dynamically original. Nothing in it brings back the thrill of
playing, say, Super Mario Bros 3. It is a poor attempt to appease
fans that like this version of Mario. So, you can pretty much chalk
these butt fuck titles up as just MORE remakes that Nintendo does.
Mario 64, awful. Fucking seriously, I don't know why anyone thought
this was a good game. It's just a bunch of crap crammed together.
Mixed with shitty camera angles, it's just a random mess. Super Mario
Sunshine, crap. This game IS NOT a Mario game. Do you know what it
is? It's one of those games that has Mario placed along with a theme.
Mario walks around with a hose cleaning shit. Mario the janitor.
Yeah. Remember that awesome power from the old Mario games? The
ability to clean stuff. Wow. I would bring up something about Mario
Galaxy but at this point, I'm so sick of watching the continued anal
rape of the most popular video game icon that I will just move on to
the next one. The Legend of Zelda. What the fuck is going with this
shit? When Zelda 64 came out, I loved it. But EVERY SINGLE FUCKING
ZELDA GAME THAT HAS COME OUT ON CONSOLE AFTER IT IS THE SAME DAMN
THING! They REFUSE to let go of the fucking Z-targeting system. It's
the same damn game but with a different skin over it. And WHY after a
release like Zelda 64 in all its 3D glory, did they do the
cel-shadding crap in the Windwaker games? Talk about one step
forward, two steps back. I mean, do the fans care about this? Do they
care that they're playing the same reused game over and over and over
again? How about something new? Something innovative? Are Nintendo
fans just happy playing reskinned games and remakes of other games?
Adding a fucking water hose to Mario is not creative, IT'S LAZY. IT'S
A GIMMIK. ATTENTION NINTENDO FANS: YOU'RE CLASSIC NINTENDO STAPLES
HAVE NO SPIRIT AND ARE BEING MURDERED BEFORE YOUR EYES BECAUSE THEY
ARE JUST PUSHED OUT SO YOU BUY THEM AND GIVE THE CREATORS MONEY.
3. Nintendo focuses on a specific fan
base.
Lets face it. Nintendo is made for a
youthful generation and for families. That is their target audience.
Other consoles try to appeal to everyone but Nintendo focuses on the
idea of the family. It's advertised that way, it's promoted that way,
it's sold that way. Which isn't really a knock considering more than
money grubbing brilliance. Remember when you were a kid and you got
an SNES or NES for the first time? Back when you were new to video
games? You didn't know shit about them. You had to go based on what
commercials or magazines told you. There was no internet to
manipulate your opinions. You were left to your own devices for the
most part. That's what every new generation is like. They don't
know(especially about the past). But since they have to coordinate
with their parents who come from a generation where video games
aren't a big deal, they look towards the best thing for their kids.
Enter Nintendo. So now that these kids have the console their parents
thought were good for them. Now include the use of internet and the
kids are looking up Nintendo games because that's the console they
have. The new generation is programmed to like Nintendo because their
parents don't know any better(or, most likely, just don't fucking
care, which is fine). Nintendo appeals to the unknowing parents that
bestow this to their kids. Therefore, Nintendo still makes money and
still remains popular. Like I said, brilliant...but bull shit at the
same time because most think that because of this, it makes Nintendo
something amazing. Nintendo doesn't focus on cutting edge graphics,
super in depth game play; none of the stuff you find everywhere else.
It doesn't care about taking risks to be innovative. No, what they do
is gimmick their shit to appeal to children. I mean, slapping a
screen on a controller is fucking retarded. WHY WOULD I BUY A CONSOLE
FOR MY TV AND THEN HAVE TO LOOK AT A SMALLER SCREEN TO PLAY IT?! It's
not a wave of the future, it's a crap excuse to sell more shit and
make more money. And they can do that because new generations don't
know any better and they exploit it. You know, some people have said
that they view the Xbox as kind of the “suits” of video games.
Fuck that. Give that to Nintendo. Their entire strategy is business
and making money. But it is disguised with the fun frollicky feeling
of sunshine and lolly pops for unsuspecting children; a wolf in
sheep's clothing. So Nintendo does not strive because their consoles
and games are good, they strive because they target the right
demographic that makes them the most money. Now, you could be asking
yourself, “But I'm not part of a new generation. I've always liked
Nintendo. What about me?” Well, some of you fall into the next
topic...
4. Nintendo's cult like fan base.
There are people out there that will
come to your house and murder you and your entire family for putting
down Nintendo. Seriously, it's becoming creepy. I've met very few
Nintendo fans that have accepted Nintendo's fault. Saying that the
Wii-U is a dumb console is like nailing Jesus back on the cross to
these people. They fall into a weird fan base that reminds me of
Final Fantasy or Apple folks. You know who I'm talking about. The
people that say a Final Fantasy game is good because they are so in
love with it, any game that is slapped with FF is automatically
godlike and can never be bad(real talk, there are people that think
Final Fantasy XIII is the best FF game). These people REFUSE to
acknowledge anything less than perfection. It's the same thing with a
lot of Nintendo fans. Because Nintendo made it, it's good. No. That
doesn't mean jack shit. Nintendo is some blinding white light to
them. I think some times they just make up stuff only to hype
themselves. For example, I was watching a Lets Play of some
Nintendoland(I think) and the guy playing it was talking about how
awesome the graphics were compared to the Wii. I saw NO FUCKING
DIFFERENCE AT ALL. IT LOOKS THE FUCKING SAME. I guess some of these
people need to make up imaginary hype because they feel if they put
Nintendo down then they're putting themselves down. It's ridiculous.
I mean, be real for fuck's sake. I see it all over Twitter every day.
“I'm sick of all this Nintendo hating BS!” Ninfans(guess what,
that's what you're called now) fight tooth and nail to try and
convince the world that Nintendo is superior. It's not. In fact, lets
be fair; no gaming today is. It's all in a downward spiral if you ask
me. But I digress. I believe that no one should be die hard loyal to
a brand. It clouds your judgment. Be open with everything you play
THEN decide. And I am aware that there are people like this with
pretty much anything ever created, but Nintendo fanboys fight a
losing battle. THE CONSOLE WAR IS OVER. NINTENDO BEAT SEGA. MOVE ON
WITH YOUR LIFE. I think any legitimate gamer would acknowledge that
Nintendo is NOT the best and that they would choose another console
over it hands down. And I don't want to hear some whiny bull shit
about “taste” or “it's my type of stuff.” If you really like
Nintendo, then that's fine. If you think that Nintendo is the best,
was the best(which I will allow because it WAS) and always will be
the best, then you need a reality check. Or you're a child, and in
that case, it's not your fault.
5. Nintendo's console ideas.
I'm going to exclude the N64 and the
Gamecube on this. I played the N64 enough as a kid to acknowledge
that I liked it, because some of the games were good. Got nothing
against it. With Gamecube, it wasn't really the console's fault(I
actually didn't mind it) it was more or less the games that I
disagree with. But the Wii and Wii-U. The most gimmick fucked things
ever invented(I keep using the word gimmick because I do not want you
to forget). The Wii was about motion. Who the fuck cares? The motion
wasn't all that great. You move your arm around. Wow. An idea like
this would be better suited as an add on, like what Sony and
Microsoft did. But to base the ENTIRE CONSOLE around it is just
ridiculous. Instead of focusing on the technology that is built into
the console they just made some cheap sideshow the main attraction.
And you people bought into hook, line and sinker. Lets break down
this “motion gaming” for a second. Are we really in the age where
motion gaming can be used to its full extent? No. It is far off. But
when that time comes, when we get some sort of super motion sensor
that lets you play a game like Metal Gear Solid and physically move
with your feet, duck for cover, do fucking flips and shit, all
without any glitching or issues, we are all going to look back at the
Wii and realize how fucking stupid it is. Look, my idea of innovation
isn't using a laser pointer and waving my arm around. NOR IS IT USING
A TABLET TO PLAY FUCKING GAMES ON MY TV. Which leads us to the Wii-U.
The latest Nintendo gimmick. -sigh- And you all jumped on it. You all
think it is the greatest thing ever. Why buy a console to play on
your TV when you can play it on your controller? Why have the console
at all? Just get a damn tablet. WHAT THE FUCK IS THE BIG DEAL?! I
love how Microsoft came out with Smart Glass. Yes, it is in its first
stages and it isn't that great(it's pretty much a remote right now),
but they basically took the idea Nintendo spent all their money on
and made it a FREE app for a tablet or mobile device. In fact,
Microsoft shouldn't even have to continue progressing Smart Glass.
Just the threat of their ability to make an app like that shows the
world that the idea of the Wii-U is nothing more than a simple idea
that can be done with ease. So enjoy another 5 years of play Wii
Sports with your tablet, controller thingy. Yeah, you just threw
hundreds of dollars away to pretty much do the same thing. Nintendo
sells its consoles like a parent holding shiny keys above their
infant child. It looks pretty, but in reality, they're just a bunch
of grimy keys. But apparently if you strap a fucking monitor to it,
it's the best fucking keys ever! Nintendo is dead to me.
